His Champion

Chumby

2009-12-18T12:28:00.000-05:00

Just got one of these. Totally unnecessary but definitely a fun toy.

Below is a virtual chumby. It shows the content channels that I have selected to display on the device's touchscreen. Its pretty cool, and the content is all free (always a plus.)

Read up on The Internet of Things for more on how this philosophically aligns with my vision for the web.

when i was a young boy

2009-12-04T01:17:00.000-05:00

there comes a time in every man's life when he needs to stand up for what he believes in. fuck the haters, money over bullshit, music is my savior (MIMS), jesus christ superstar, the lord is my witness, im on that midnight train to georgia, 42, there are many copies, meth mouth, halo, can't tell me nothing, new york times crossword puzzles, umphrey's, teddy roosevelt, superbad, custom machine-knit sweaters, banana fitteds, bobby bonilla, mark zuckerberg, all eyez on me, nikes, the g-men, king philip's war, ball till you fall, one blood, shredding, leather-bound books, 40s (theme), historical maps, gat in my lap, THE ALAN PARSONS PROJECT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnwbewZHHKE

Overheard on the Upper Middle Class Side

2009-11-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

"That's why I'm trying to get off the methodone. Obviously I can't help it!"
-Associate Grocery, 97th and Amsterdam

Megabus Pros and Cons

2009-11-21T18:04:00.005-05:00

There are a few reasons why megabus is a great way to travel between NY and DC. There are also a few reasons why they fucking suck fat elephant dick.

Reason number 1 why megabus is good: they have a pricing system that favors buying ahead, so you can get cheap tickets (only works if you can plan ahead, which cuts most of us out).

Reason number 2 why megabus is good: they are double decker buses, so unless it's a really busy day chances are you can get two seats to yourself.

Reason number 3 why megabus is good: they stop at burger king on most trips.

Since this post was motivated by utter fucking rage, here are the more numerous reasons why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick.

Reason number 1 why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick: even though they say they have outlets, the outlets never work.

Reason number 2 why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick: sometimes the internet doesn't work either

Reason number 3 why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick: when it is working, the megabus wifi network blocks youtube.

Reason number 4 why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick: no overhead storage

Reason number 5 why megabus fucking sucks fat elephant dick: there is at least one person sitting fairly close to you who is complete batshit crazy (i understand that this is a problem that isn't exclusive to megabus, but more symptomatic of intracity busing).

The Maersk Alabama should stay away from the Indian Ocean

2009-11-18T22:36:00.001-05:00

So the Maersk Alabama, who you may remember as the ship which was captured by pirates a few months ago, was AGAIN attacked earlier today off the coast of Somalia. However, this time the men on board the ship had guns of their own, and were able to repel the attack. This story has been getting some good news coverage, but here's hoping that this story gains some traction.

On a serious note, the piracy problem is a systemic one and has dire consequences for both sides. Part of me wishes that we could call these "pirates" something else, because when I hear this word I start thinking about Blackbeard, Jolly Rogers, and booty. Hehe, booty.

Pirates have become somewhat of a theme here on hischampion. Please note previous championships about Pirates here and here, among other places.

Here she is, the mighty Maersk Alabama. Custom built out of freedom to deliver American shipping containers where they are needed most.

P.S. I will now begin calling my posts championships. Are we pro or con on this?

last gchat convo for a while, trying not to over do it but it's just too good

2009-10-28T12:21:00.001-04:00

me: have you noticed that towards the end of college and leading into business and nonprofit world drafting, people move from 12 pt font to 11 pt font

Sent at 12:07 PM on Wednesday

Adam: what

me: exactly what i said

Sent at 12:08 PM on Wednesday

Adam: who says this

Sent at 12:10 PM on Wednesday

me: i do

it's a fact

Adam: i sometimes use 11

but usually 12

me: lame

Adam: why is that lame

Sent at 12:13 PM on Wednesday

me: cause 12 pt font is like being in college and using wide rule paper

Sent at 12:15 PM on Wednesday

Adam: i mena

i mean

i guess

Sent at 12:16 PM on Wednesday

me: dont play me

Adam: what? im not playing

i just usually use 11pt font

me: oh so you do use 11pt

that's good then

Adam: FUCK

me: i'm pretty much at the point where i've switched completely to 11pt

no pun intended

Adam: whatever

me: oh so you haven't

Adam: why are we having this conversations

me: you use 12

Adam: no

usually

jesus fuck

me: i'm in your head

It's time

2009-10-28T00:03:00.002-04:00

me: the kid

Adam: kid n play

me: lock and kid

the incredible likeness of kid

Adam: sherlock kid

kidtron 3030

kid philip's war

me: james and the giant kid

where the kid ends

oh the places you'll kid

Sent at 11:43 PM on Tuesday

Adam: 808s and heartkid

despite reports to the contrary KID AINT DEAD

me: kid juice

Sent at 11:47 PM on Tuesday

me: kiddy and the tramp

Adam: sleeping kid

a midsummer nights kid

kidthello

on the kid

kidball

oKid computer

me: kid goes west

butch cassidy and the kid kid

west side kid

Adam: groundhog kid

you've got kid

wikiKIDia

N.O.T.O.R.I.K.I.D.

me: facekid

my kid

Adam: punch you in the kid

the divided kid

me: golgi kid

you enjoy my kid

Adam: kid from the bottom

me: gimme the kid

Adam: murder was the kid that they gave me

kids open doors

poppin kids

reservoir kids

kid fiction

me: kid 13

Sent at 11:57 PM on Tuesday

me: armakidden

deep kid

the poseidon kid

Adam: Jurassic kid

...we have kept this going for at least 15 minutes

thats got to be a world record

Sent at 12:00 AM on Wednesday

me: you broke it

Adam: i couldnt handle it anymore

i was losing it

Disney Sports Movies, Life, Playoff Baseball

2009-10-20T22:56:00.001-04:00

As I sit here watching game 4 of the ALCS between the Yankees and Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, I am reminded of a few things:

The American League is a poor excuse for a baseball league. Tell your pitchers to learn how to hit and tell that extra juiced bat on the bench to lay off the roids and play right field!
Those that know me know that my dislike for the Yankees is great. One of my classic young memories was when I attended the first regular season interleague game between the Yankees and Mets at the old Yankee Stadium. Upon entering the stadium with my Mets jersey on, I was immediately the object of scorn for two inebriated Yankee fans, who hurled profanity my way until my father ushered me to our seats. So, I love the Mets but as they are terrible, I watch the Yankees this postseason. THAT BEING SAID:
I don't trust the Angels. When Disney makes a movie featuring your real team, a team that exists in the real world and plays real baseball, you are an object of scrutiny. Angels in the Outfield? Come on.
That goes for the Mighty Ducks also. This isn't Air Bud, this is the NHL.
In the National League, we've got the Phillies THE WORST POSSIBLE TEAM and the Dodgers (spurners of Brooklyn). What's a Met fan to do?
Watch football, we've got 2 good teams in New York
WHAT? The Jets and Giants both lost this past week?? Badly? Jesus
I'm going back to reading tech blogs.

Long Island Rail Road

2009-10-14T22:20:00.006-04:00

train ride back from a big meeting
city-bound
"As you exit the train, please watch the gap between the train and the platform."

the girl sitting across the aisle from me is laughing out loud in response to some electronic communication of an undisclosed nature
LOLing

out the window
majestic Queens unfolds

in the distance the skyline looms
New York's version of mountains

my neighbor has calmed down
i guess emotion is fleeting on a blackberry

"Attention ladies and gentlemen, we are now approaching Penn Station..."

Peace Prize? LOL

2009-10-09T10:15:00.005-04:00

So Barack Obama is going to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize by some Swedish people you have probably never heard of. I'm happy for him, its really cool and all that, but lets be real: what exactly has Barack done to merit this award? Simply not actively messing things up for 9 months can't be the only measure of success they look at. If so, I would be up for this award! Also aren't we about to maybe send a ton of our boys into Afghanistan? I'm not speaking as to the wisdom of our military endeavors, but the fact is that we are engaged in 2 Middle Eastern countries.

I'm not saying I don't love and trust Barack to continue running this country. I'm also not saying that I don't support his calls for nuclear disarmament and peace in general: I totally do. I'm just saying that maybe they threw him this so that he wouldn't be so upset about going all the way to Copenhagen just to have Chi-town lose the Olympics.

Bonus Question: Three other US Presidents have won in the past. Name them, and their accomplishment that merited the Prize. You might win a personal email from me, if I remember.

Its been a while

2009-10-02T09:55:00.003-04:00

I know it has been a while since my last post. Sam, well, he's around somewhere. If he wants back in, he knows where to come.

Anyway, I am going to try and get back into this. It was good for a while but its easy to fall off. I will say this: if you send me links, articles, etc. I will review and post them here, and always give props to my sources.

In other news, I have begun a new internet endeavour this summer. I took up the ukulele and have posted some videos of my playing. Here is my latest one, "Sloop John B" by The Beach Boys

It has been a fun project so far, and I hope to continue this as well. I'll start posting my other videos here too for the enjoyment of THE NATION OF CHAMPIONS.

My youtube channel is http://www.youtube.com/user/deadheadmon

Hasta kid-uego for now. Let it be known that His Champion is BACK!

Smooth Criminal

2009-06-26T13:07:00.005-04:00

Michael Jackson RIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WjOn5TNjBM

Since I can't embed that, how about this version:

Bad audio I know but they never let you embed the good ones...

In related news, TKN is coming to the big city tonight. His Champion, once dormant, is poised to make a comeback and change the world. More than a random meaningless phrase, His Champion is a way of life.

Shady Records was 80 seconds
Away from the towers
Some cowards fucked with the wrong building
They meant to hit ours
Better evacuate all children
Nuclear showers theres nothing spookier
Your now about to witness the power of 50
-the immortal words of eminem

Dead and Gone

2009-06-03T15:34:00.003-04:00

From LOLNews/punditkitchen.com:

In related news, its June. I know I've fallen off; I blame the person involved in this blog NOT named His Champion.

I'll try my best to keep posting. How about you boost my ego by telling me how much you miss and desire my posts?

Summercamp

2009-05-19T13:14:00.004-04:00

T minus 3 days until RAWK.

Your conviction’s slow but steady
Is my eviction notice ready?
My conviction’s slow but steady
Is your eviction notice ready?
-Red Tape

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-11T00:32:00.002-04:00

It was yesterday, technically.

"Why can't you be more like Jason Bay? He drove in the game-winning run against the Rays tonight. What did you do? Sit on your ass like a lazy bum! In all my years I never thought I would have such a son!"

I forgot Mother's Day! I am a terrible son.

Note: I did not forget Mother's Day. But I did intend to post something more substantial here.

Space

2009-05-03T13:24:00.003-04:00

The topic of space has been on my mind a lot recently.

With the United States scheduled to go back to the moon in 2020, its only a matter of time before we are colonizing Mars.

His Champion Nation, I would like to pose a question to you:

If you could go on an epic space exploration mission to Mars or another, more distant destination, but you knew that you would never come back to earth and would die in space, would you do it?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Pirates in the News, Again

2009-04-22T22:30:00.002-04:00

Once again our thoughts turn to piracy. This time the scourge of the Indian Ocean has been directed at America, the very nation that drove piracy from the Barbary Coast way back in the early 1800s.

Now the danger lies off the coast of Somalia. Some rouges recently took control of an American ship delivering aid to Kenya. Luckily, the crew was familiar with the use of high pressure fire hoses and drove the pirates off the ship, but not before they took the Captain hostage. Luckily, the American Nacy was nearby and our snipers were able to take the pirates out when they stuck their malicious heads out of their getaway raft in the middle of the night.

One pirate surrendered himself to the authorities, hoping for leniency. Little did he know that he would be extradited and tried in New York City Federal Court. This is Abde Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse:

Is he a minor? Probably, but I doubt that he'll be catching any breaks from our government. His buddies got sniped up, and I predict his ass will go to jail as an example of how America is going to deal with this chapter in the long history of piracy. If recent memory serves me right, we need to step our game up:

Oh, and for the record, His Champion has been on top of this story since December.

Wreckognize, fools.

Melting my face

2009-04-10T16:56:00.002-04:00

Some people don't understand when I describe my musical tastes as the never-ending pursuit of facemelting. Don't know what I mean? For example, some crazy hard rock could be described as facemelting. Exhibit A below:

Exhibit B is a classic facemelting jam by one of the country's best bands, Umphrey's McGee. Drop the jamband hate and get out and see these guys. They do so many things well, including melting faces.

Finally we get to Lil Wayne, Weezy F. Baby, Young Stunna. He goes by many names, and as a solf proclaimed facemelter, he can't feel his own face, so why do you?

Weekend homework is to listen to these songs and think about how facemelting connects them all. Class dismissed.

Schiti Field

2009-04-05T21:46:00.010-04:00

Not only did I get a new camera this week, but I also had the opportunity to go to an exhibition baseball game at Citi Field, the new ballpark of the New York Mets. Here are some of the pics I snapped on a windy, cold April day.

The new park will never have the same place in my heart as Shea Stadium. I grew up at Shea, watched the Mets lose 100 games a season in the early 90s, win the pennant in 2000, and dozens of other games in which the Mets characteristically underperformed. Citi Field certainly does have its positives; when sitting in my seats on the second deck in left field, I felt like I was closer to the game then when I used to sit out on the foul lines in Shea.

I didn't even get to sample the new fancy food at the stadium, becuase the lines were unbearably long with people moving around the new concourses in a seemingly haphazard manner. At Shea, you were either in your seat, getting food, or going to the bathroom. Now we've got people chilling out at picnic tables and generally loafing around instead of watching the game in an uncomfortable seat, the way baseball is supposed to be watched.

Citi Field does not project itself in the same imposing manner as Shea Stadium did, either. The architects who designed the stadium were modeling it off of multiple different historic ballparks. What they failed to realize is that those parks were crammed into historic city centers and poorly designed as a result. Citi Field follows in this "great" trend, with much success.

Finally, I am not even going to get into the name of this stadium. Not only was it bulit with government subsidies, it is named after a company that is not solvent or heading in a positive direction. To this end, I will briefly mention a revolution coming to Mets Nation:

Shea Guevera.

Expect to hear more about this in the weeks to come.

Its going to be a great summer.

On a roll

2009-04-01T22:08:00.003-04:00

OK so this is the premise of the movie that I think someone should pay me to write/direct/star in:

Two brothers growing up in depression-era Cincinnati learn to love different sports at a young age. One loves baseball, while the other takes a liking to football. Each excels in their respective sports in high school, but any chance of playing at a higher level is cut short by the Nazi's and the call to World War II. The football player joins the Marines and goes on to kick major ass in the Pacific, island-hopping and generally tearing shit up. The other one, the baseball player, is a nerd at heart and is not prepared for the realities of life in the army. He ends up being a mechanic of Jeeps behind the front lines and learns to handle his shit.

After the war, the brothers return home changed men. The Marine, raw with the emotional scars of combat, nevertheless professes a deep love for his country and goes on to get a job working for the CIA, hunting down and killing America's enemies abroad. The other brother realizes that his true calling in life is to be a cartoonist, and so he moves to Chicago where he successfully sells his idea for a comic book about Smart-ass superheroes who beat villains with their intellect, write poetry and wear ridiculous clothing.

The cartoonist should have been more careful though, because he eventually becomes famous, moves to France (of course those mofos like this kind of comic), and becomes a COMMIE! The movie ends with the CIA brother looking the cartoonist dead in the face and shooting him in the gut with a sawed-off shotgun. That's what you get for trying to spread that red filth and topple Western Europe!

Yea, so I've always got that to fall back on. But if not, I have plenty of other movie ideas. Like the one loosely based on my life where a young boy overcomes all obstacles to get out of the suburbs and live his life's dream of becoming a listless, itinerant intellectual. Or the one where a group of college friends live in a house and put up this crazy wallpaper in their living room and play video games a lot, and no girls ever hang out with them but whatever its ok who needs girls anyway but then 3 of them live with their girlfriends after they move out. Then they get to have a bachelor party...

Enough ideas for now. And be warned, if I see these plots in the movies I will know who stole them from me! Fear the wrath of the blogger scorned!

10 things I am thinking a lot about these days

2009-03-26T23:48:00.004-04:00

If I could be on the first ship to colonize Mars, but I would have to live the balance of my life on the Red Planet, I would. No questions asked.
I have not heard anyone call pancakes "flapjacks" in a long time. Too long.
Stephen Colbert won a contest to name a new portion of the International Space Station. Ballin.
Why continue this charade? Everyone knows we'll be cyborgs in 50 years, so why not start making our voices sound like robots?
I like to have a plant around, because when its late I take comfort knowing that something else is alive in my room.
Is there anything better than discovering historic architecture and/or sites in New York? Probably, but its still really good.
Jay Cutler is a bitch.
I do not envision a time in my life in which I will not listen to rap.
There is nothing you could do to convince me to buy a new American-made car. Sorry, I just keep it real.
Finally, this video still gets me every time.

Love to all my peoples.

Bracketology: Obligatory Tournament Post

2009-03-17T23:59:00.003-04:00

So I know that this is not a "sports blog," but I watch enough ESPN to make Stuart Scott envious so I am going to break down some of the more intriguing games and story lines of this year's NCAA Men's Basketball Championship Tournament.

I am calling Western Kentucky over Illinois for your classic 12-5 upset. Go Hilltoppers! Other low seeds to look out for are Siena (reppin the MAAC), Maryland, and Boston College.

In terms of the big boys, I think that 3 Big East teams as Number 1 seeds is totally ridiculous. Only one of those teams was even in the Big East Tournament Final: Louisville. I have them in the Final Four even though I am hesitant to rule out Tom Izzo and Sparty. Drew Neitzel may be gone, but his memory lives on forever in Flint.

My Final Four is: Louisville, Memphis, UNC and Duke. Yes, thats right, Duke. This is not the soft ass Greg Paulus Duke of two years ago. This team is going to ride Gerald Henderson just like a Chevy Lumina, all the way back to Detroit. One final word. If this mand wins a National Championship I will strangle an entire litter of kittens.

Tyler, you better HOPE you don't meet the back side of Gerald Henderson's elbow this time. Your ass is ours, you baby blue wearing, undersized white big man with no future in the NBA.

I leave you with some vintage Dicky V, because he can't call the real tournament on CBS. ITS A CRIME BABY!

Takeover

2009-03-09T22:27:00.005-04:00

AK, is runnin this blog shit.

S.A.M., get gunned up and clapped quick.

It was never the quality of Sam's posts that was lacking, but the kid has fallen off as of late. He hasn't posted since he told the world his MSPaint art was more John Blaze than Jackson Pollock. A bold claim, but somehow he pulled it off.

Sam, I love you, but you gotta show some love to the internets. If we don't get discovered soon then we'll miss our chance to take the world by storm as and up-and-coming young cynical overeducated Web 2.0 comic duo!

In other news, Phish is back together, and T.O. is going to the Buffalo Bills. We are truly living in historic times.

I never dreamed of living this long.

Let me get one minute of your time

2009-03-03T13:54:00.004-05:00

What would AIG's $62 billion loss buy?

AIG lost $62 billion this past quarter: thats about $460,000.00 per minute. What could you buy with that money?

All I want is one minute of those losses, and I'd be set for the next couple of years.

Exhibit A is displayed below.

Note the AIG sign in the outfield of Yankee Stadium, but also the fact that thet Yankees are losing to the White Sox. Yet another reason Barack is right. Ozzie's got his boys ready to go!

Mental Golf

2009-02-28T14:26:00.003-05:00

This week, the big story in the world of sport was the return of Tiger Woods to professional golf. After winning his first round match at some tournament in Arizona, he lost in the second round to some anonymous n00b. This event has, however, gotten me extremely excited for the summer, and golf.

I'm not talking about the highbrow country club golf. I play the game the only way I know how; guttin it out in the trenches, getting grimy and making gutsy shots (aka I am terrible at golf).

My main inspiration for playing the game comes from Chevy Chase, whose performance in Caddyshack ranks among the most influential movie characters in my life.

You know what, Caddyshack is a movie to live by. There, I said it.

Golf. Zen. Chevy Chase. Life.

The Barack the Mic Tour Continues

2009-02-24T22:49:00.004-05:00

I don't even listen to the words coming out of Barack's mouth anymore. I just watch for that swagger. In the words of Weezy F. Baby, "What's G?"

Barack Obama.

Even in the face of a mountainous deficit, global recession, and a generally bleak outlook for things across the board, Barack, Joey Biden, Pelosi, Hil, J. Kerry, Dodd, and all the other old-ass politicians were all cheesing mad hard. Even the turncoat Lieberman was ready to give the White Sox fan-in-chief some dap. I know you're playing nice now Joe, but don't think I've forgotten your poor play in 2000 and 2008. N00b. I'm watching your shifty ass.

Barack even gave a shout out to T.R. while talking about healthcare. Yet another reason to get my tattoo.

You know what: I refuse to talk about any specific issues raised by the president. All I want to do is bask in his glow. I don't want to let him down.

"I am not a quitter, Mr. President"

OK, so...now what do we do?

put on for our cities.

Feelin It

2009-02-23T23:24:00.004-05:00

I'm not talking about the song off of "Reasonable Doubt."

Well, actually I am. Always. But I also want to discuss "feelin it" as a term in general. This useful phrase can be used to explain even the most irrational of actions. For example, every time I go off on an irreverent tangent and get called out for speaking nonsense, I just cover and say that I was "feelin it, yo."

Other situations in which the use of this phrase is appropriate include:
-when one has drank too much
-when one orders that extra hot dog, chili cheese dog, ice cream cone, etc and then fails to finish it
-when one plays rap music at loud volumes early in the morning
-when one gets caught reading People magazine
-when one switches from skiing to snowboarding
-when one balls at a higher level than those around him/her
-when one makes an objectively bad play in Halo
-when one blows off responsibilities to go to the beach and build a sandcastle
-when one has drank too much

Some might question why I have even written this post. Those people, however, clearly did not see the same subtlety in it that exists in a well played game of cricket.

I'm just feelin it on a Monday night. Get 'em.

Steamblog

2009-02-18T23:48:00.004-05:00

So this week I am skiing in beautiful Steamboat Springs, Colorado. The conditions have been pretty good, and although my legs are pretty sore this trip has re-affirmed my love for skiing in the Rockies. This morning me and my ski/snowboard accomplices found some pristine powder during the tail end of a snowfall and made our way through some stands of huge evergreens and aspen trees. It was epic. The type of snow I came out here for.

The following is a picture of my friend Evan after a long day on the mountain today.

I think that's a man who's ready for more shredding.

A quick anecdote about the town of Steamboat before I retire. There is a former ski racer named Billy Kidd who is a Steammboat legend. He won a few World Cup events and was the first American to win an Olympic medal in Alpine Skiing, at the 1964 Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria. He now lives in Steamboat and wears a cowboy hat while skiing with tourists.

Shred on, my friends.

Many Men

2009-02-11T11:02:00.003-05:00

Wish death 'pon me.

A hip-hopera. Don't worry about the end when it abruptly cuts to Jadakiss.
These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Four Score and...WTF?

2009-02-09T21:23:00.003-05:00

So this week, on Thursday, is Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday; to be honest, I'm so happy for the old guy. He doesn't look a day over 125.

For real though, there is a Lincoln orgy going on in this country right now. The New York Times even took a break from reassuring limousine liberals that it is not in financial hot water to run a piece on some new books about Abraham Lincoln that are coming out around this historic birthday. Accompanying the story are some cool cartoons of the 16th President.

New lets get real. Maybe its just me, but I am at the point where I doubt whether many of the anecdotes attributed to the Great Emancipator are true. I mean, he did not free the slaves. He freed slaves in parts of the country that were NOT PART OF THE COUNTRY in 1863. He was a great President who held the country together in perhaps its most trying time, but I feel like we are talking about Augustus in the age of Constantine here. Lincoln is nevertheless a vital part of the American myth; if pennies go out of circulation I will NOT be happy.

I do really want to go to the Abraham Lincoln Birthplace National Historic Site. They built a Greek Temple around a reconstruction of the cabin in which he was born. Get into it.

Art

2009-02-03T21:46:00.005-05:00

I did this in about a minute and a half in Microsoft paint. Had it been with a real brush and canvas, I'm pretty sure some n00b with too much money would buy it for $700. Sure, that statement probably pisses off a lot of 'artists' out there. "You don't know what it's like man," "You're uncultured," "People don't want to buy your computer paintings of genitalia."

Bullshit.

My shit is more John Blaze than that.

See some of my earlier works posted on this blog around the time of the last debates between McCain and Obama. This is art. None of that depressing oil or pastel shit.

Nice beret asshole.

I'm outtie. Tell these people something they don't already know about me.

Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad

2009-02-03T15:59:00.004-05:00

This band is ill. The best whiteboy reggae I've heard in a long time. Peep this show on archive.org : http://www.archive.org/details/gpgds2006-11-11.sbd.flac16

Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad are reppin Rochester, NY and currently are on tour spreading the love all across America. Get into it. http://www.giantpandadub.com/index_new.php

Its Boss Time!

2009-02-02T23:20:00.002-05:00

So the Superbowl was last night. If you did not know this, then you are not reading this blog because you are not a real person.

As I predicted, despite his "beast" effort, Larry Fitz couldn't win the game on his own, and when it came down to it Big Ben made that key play when it really mattered.

All I have to say is, Costas, can I get a job? You know I would be better than Dennis Miller was on Monday Night Football. Not only do I have a rapier wit and a once-in-a-generation sense of humor, I know something about football!

For all the non-football fans, I know that you only watched the game for the ads, and possibly the halftime show featuring Bruce Springsteen. There were some good ads from Doritos and GoDaddy.com, but overall there was no Pets.com sock puppet to blow my mind.

A few more observations about the game/festivities/orgy of American symbolic might in the face of an uncertain future. Did everyone see General Petraeus doing the coin toss? Dude, shouldn't you be in IRAQ supervising the election there? Seriously, WTF? Also, The Boss was good; a little over the top, but keeping it just real enough. I still pine for the Aerosmith/Nsync/Britney Spears/Nelly days. Faith and Jennifer Hudson before the game were aight also. As for this lip-synching rumor, I don't really care. What do you think about that?

So take-home message is that while football is great, and I mean great, there are 13 days until pitchers and catchers report to Mets Spring Training. Yes.

While you're at it, I am currently listening to my friend's radio show on www.wbrs.org, Brandeis Student Radio. The show is called Old School/New School and its on Mondays from 10:30-midnight. They occasionally play Weezy. Holla.

he's a beast, he's a dog

2009-01-29T14:15:00.003-05:00

Sam has not posted in more than a week. In his stead, here is one of his best quotes of all time:

Overheard on College Hill

Do you think Brown has a drinking problem?

The Brown Daily Herald, 10/12/07

Sam N., '08

I I think a majority of the problem - I don't want to single out freshman and sophomores - but the big problem is people getting here and not being used to the freedom of being able to drink without any restrictions.

People who never really drank in high school, or middle school for that matter, end up being kind of overwhelmed with this new opportunity. And it's not to say that I'm advocating binging in high school, but I think appropriate alcohol consumption in high school may even level out some of these people that go crazy once they get to college. That's been my experience.

I guess there are juniors and seniors that have issues of reaching their limits. I guess it's also important to have friends around who can, if not protect you, keep you in line and tell you to shut up when you need to, and tell you to go home and sleep when you need to.

I personally love DPS and EMS. As opposed to other schools or outside of academia where they adopt a zero tolerance policy, it doesn't really prevent people from using substances. It prevents them from getting the help they need after using the substances.

I have no problem calling EMS on somebody who's vomiting, if I don't think I can take care of them myself. And I know that DPS isn't going to get me kicked out of school for being high or being drunk somewhere. I really get the feeling that they're actually there to protect and serve you, rather than discipline and repress you.

Culture Wars

2009-01-28T08:59:00.004-05:00

Tonight I am going to the opera. Everyone out there who thinks I'm all about money, hoes and clothes can suck it. The kid also has a taste for high culture.

I will be seeing Orfeo ed Euridice, by Gluck, at the Metropoplitan Opera House. The story follows the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, a classic tale:

Boy loves girl, girl dies, boy follows her to the underworld to save her but gods tel him he can't talk to or look at her, boy looks at girl, girl dies again, boy almost kills himself but the gods make hte girl come back to life again, everyone lives happily ever after.

How can you not love this type of shit?

Nice suspenders, n00b.

This evening should stand in stark contrast to last night, when I went to the Rangers game at MSG. There is truly nothing like the opera to balance out the Canadian thugs kicking the crap out of each other. The Rangers did win though, so that was good.

blue monday

2009-01-26T09:15:00.002-05:00

we are not the same, I am a Martian

2009-01-22T23:24:00.005-05:00

For those of you that read my previous blog (some deep underground shit. someday the content on there will be worth its weight in gold!) you will know that I have an appreciation for the Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration. Well, I recently came upon this image on Wikipeida and thought I would share it with you all. It is a shot of the ship America during the failed Ziegler Polar Expedition which failed to reach the North Pole in 1903. Different pole, I know. But look at this pic:

Caption: "On October 15th, our luminary dipped below the horizon in a glow of scarlet fire."

Imagine being on that ship as the sun dipped below the horizon, plunging you and the only 30 other men for thousands of miles into months of darkness, surrounded by massive sheets of ice. I don't know about you guys, but it sounds cool to me! I mean, who wouldn't want to be a part of this?

This type of exploration is missing from our society today. The internet, which in my mind is still a 21st century "wild west," is a poor substitute for the place that these epic expeditions used to have in society's imagination. Hopefully soon, we will be going to Mars, so people can focus on something besides killing each other over completely senseless ideas.

For real, sign me up on the first ship. I want to live in that thing.

This country is Barack-ing

2009-01-20T12:59:00.006-05:00

Just a short acknowledgment of the inauguration this morning. I know I hate a lot, but watching that speech even gave this cynic goosebumps. Here's hoping that we return to balling out as hard as we did in the mid-90s.

In the modified words of Steve Ballmer: "I LOVE THIS COUTNRYY"

Barack, if you're reading this (I knwo you are- we got Google ananlytics on this bitch), let me just say one more thing. Disregard my earlier negative energy and channel the positive vibes I am sending your way today. You gave a good speech, my friend. Better than I could have given. Just don't screw this one up man. We are all counting on you, legit.

Handle thy shit.

Steelers, Cardinals, Advertisements

2009-01-19T00:52:00.005-05:00

So sports fans, your Super Bowl matchup is now set. In two weeks, the Pittsburgh Steelers will face the Arizona Cardinals in what is sure to be a much worse game than last year (GMENNNNNN!!).

First off, I have to say that I am disappointed that Ray Rice, the pride of New Rochelle and Running Back for the Baltimore Ravens, lost today and will not be going to the Super Bowl as a rookie. Its ok though, because I still guarantee his future beast status in the National Football League.

Onto the actual game. The Steelers are going to win. This is not about what I want, because I would love nothing more than to see Larry Fitzgerald win a ring. The fact is that the Steelers have an insane defense and a quarterback who makes just enough plays every week to grind out a win for his post-industrial city still struggling to redefine itself after the companies that created it left to follow cheap labor to the Developing World.

So except for the real, hardcore football fans who have watched the entire season, feel the emotion of the teams that have been through hell together, and understand the subtleties of the game we call football (but should really call something else- seriously. Football was already taken), most people just watch the Super Bowl for the ads. This year, I hope they are still good in spite of the economy. I mean, seriously. This is America- we are not going to let some Depression ruin the fucking Super Bowl are we? Remember when this ad was the hottness?

Yea. A true classic. I learned how to burp that back in the day.

Jamie Foxx

2009-01-18T19:18:00.003-05:00

Tonight is the pre-inauguration concert in Washington DC and Jamie Foxx is supposedly giving a reading. When I become President of the United States, I will no doubt also have a multi-genre celebrity speaking at my pre-inauguration party. Some people hate on Jamie Foxx. I can't understand this. One person that I until today considered a friend, who will remain nameless (her name is short for a piece of male genitalia), was talking some serious shit about Jamie Foxx earlier this afternoon. Her reasoning: "I don't like when celebrities think they can do more than one genre." That's some bullshit, Jamie can do anything, which as proven tonight includes historical speeches. Here's a clip of Jamie sabotaging a fellow comedian at a roast of football great Emmitt Smith.

Basically anything Jamie Foxx does is historically relevant, not just the speech tonight. The fact that Jamie Foxx is a multi-genre star allows him to get down on historically relevant music, like Gold Digger. I heard this song at least three times a night at every party I went to my first year at college. You all remember.

College was pretty fun. Everything escalates quickly at college. Drinking, papers, mostly I'm talking about drinking. God bless the brass monkey and fuck the dealer. There is of course no rule though that we can't drink heavily outside of the golden gates of academia, it just becomes a little less accepted. Fuck it. I plan on drinking a brass monkey on my 50th birthday party. And 60th and every decade I make after that. Bring it.

T-T-T-TR

2009-01-15T23:00:00.005-05:00

So in light of Barack Obama's coming inaguration I would like to offer some advice to teh next Leader of the World/ Baller in Chief:
I know that everybody is talking about FDR as a model for your presidency, but I would like to offer up another suggestion. The other President Roosevelt. TR!

I think its clear what I am talking about from these two portraits. I don't see Barack rockin that little string off of his glasses! In fact, he's not wearing glasses at all--he probably has contact lenses, which are commonly known to be the work of the Devil and will result in your eyes falling out on your 60th birthday. This is a fact.

But back to TR, my favorite President. I have a bust of him on my desk even now as I am writing this. If you don't believe me, ask anyone I know. Chances are they will not hesitate to embarass me by verifying this story. Why is TR my favorite president, you ask? Well, let me enumerate just a few of the reasons:

He made the Grand Canyon a National Park.
He was a rancher.
He wrote the definitive Naval History of the War of 1812 (bonus question: What was a main cause of the War of 1812?)
He was on a hike in the Catskills when he learned that President McKinley had been shot and that he would become president.
In his "comeback tour" he won the most votes of any 3rd Party candidate, with the Bull Moose party.
He killed more animals for fun than any other President.
He's from NEW YORK, just like Ja Rule.
He is present in a picture of Abraham Lincoln's funeral procession through New York City.
He is named after the Teddy Bear (I am just told that this might not be true. I will have to check and get back to you).
He built the Panama Canal.

OK so that last one brings me to his biggest shortcoming, but its kindof a biggie. Jingoism. Yes he thought that the US of A could do whatever we wanted in Latin America. This is not cool. President Elect Obama, don't be about the Roosevelt Corollary.

I guess what I am really trying to say is, Barack (Can I call you Barack?), should I get this cartoon as a tattoo?

the other blog, as introduced through this blog, bloggin

2009-01-15T11:12:00.002-05:00

I started another blog about my NGO here in Rio, Community in Action (Comunidade em Ação). The idea is to get the students and volunteers at the NGO sharing their everyday experiences in both Portuguese and English. Here is a taste to give some visual of what the organization does:

This does not in any way mean that I'm going to start getting serious here, or that the Community in Action blog will be completely serious either. What I mean to say is, everything that I write and/or say is very serious and should not be questioned, criticized, or trivialized. This is the reason why blogs exist, because the things we artists have to say are far more important than your average Joe.

Something very important that I was just pondering is the amount of sugar or salt each country puts in their respective individual ketchup packets.

Let's be real and agree that the packets in the United States contain what can be called 'normal' or 'real' ketchup. I'm not particularly well traveled. I've been to Canada so let's start there. It's too sweet. It's pretty close to American ketchup, but not quite the same thing. But Canadians put mayonaisse or vinegar on shit instead so it doesn't really matter. Nice try Canada. I live in Brazil. The ketchup here is both sweet and salty at the same time. Fuck that. If you ever come to Brazil, ask for mustard instead.

Brain Dump

2009-01-12T23:49:00.004-05:00

In the spirit of the previous post, here are some of the things I have been thinking about today:

Ricky Henderson got inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame in his first year of elegibility. He used to be a coach on the Mets. I always love seeing people affiliated with the Mets getting into Cooperstown.

The Game is coming up on my list of favorite rappers. Watch this video of him and Kanye (who will always be #1 in my heart).

It would be really cool if I were actually born in a different time and place. For example, colonial New York, Ohio and Michigan when they were the Western frontier of America, colonial French Canada, ancient Rome, first generation British convict in Australia, the people who went out on the Pacific Ocean in canoes to populate all those islands. Really any other era has at least a few perks.

I am pretty much over Barack Obama. Its great that he got elected, but since he has suuuuch high expectations I already know he is bound to disappoint. He will likely cave to environmental interests in the face of economic catastrophe. If this is really a New New Deal, I want all new sidewalks, playgrounds, National Parks, publicly-funded murals, surveys of historic buildings, and dams. Also, finish the sculpture of Crazy Horse out there in South Dakota

Why beat around the bush (no pun intended)? I spent all my political energy on the election. Now, just let me watch cartoons and experience this country's last decade of pseudo-relevancy. Nothing we can do about it people.

I don't really like Mondays, especially when there is no Monday Night Football to look forward to.

When the Matrix is revealed to be real, I'll be there telling all you fools "told you so!"

It goes without saying by Sam that it takes all of my efforts at times to remain grounded in society and not let my mind explode under the ridiculous state that is modern American life. To make matters worse, I work in Times Square and am forced to look a giant ads for Charmin all day. Charmin! As if I'm going to a play and thinking to myself "you know, I bet Charmin is good. My ass does get sore when I wipe it with yesterday's USAToday."

= = the end of the world. That is an ipod speaker/TP holder.

What do you think about THAT? Now I'm faklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

Step Up

2009-01-11T20:36:00.004-05:00

I'm feeling the pressure. I can't sleep. I can't eat. It consumes all of my thoughts. The Kid simply out-posts me. It's not just quantity (in which he also excels), it's quality.

To understand his talent for blogging, you first have to understand The Kid. His mind races. At any given moment when most of us are walking through life with blank slates or thinking of sex, The Kid's mind is usually being blown by at least four different ideas rolling around in his melon. Even in the picture above, you can tell that finishing those 40s is probably only one of about three different ideas that The Kid is trying to organize. He needs to get that out. He'll happily let you know absolutely everything that's going through his head at any time, but now he's found another outlet: the blog. Considering this, his flow of posts can actually be considered moderate compared to his true potential.

Time to insert a random funny and/or rap related picture to fill up space:

Basically I need to step it up. Despite an overwhelming amount of hate, I will continue writing my crime/erotic novel. I will rely less on gimmicks in my posts. But I refuse to stop putting up pictures of Lil Jon.

Worldwide hustlers get that dough

2009-01-10T18:35:00.003-05:00

Its Saturday...

I know this is not the real video but they all had embedding disabled. Deal with it.

Also, I want to talk about Ludacris here for a few minutes. I think that he gets nowhere near enough love and respect. According to wikipedia, he is the highest selling artist in the history of southern rap, but I feel like no one is willing to say that they really feel him. I think this goes along with people being generally unwilling to admit that they like popular rap. Get over yourself, turn off the Aesop Rock (no offense, I also love him), and put on some of that grimy shit!

This is a man who gave the world such classics as "Area Codes," "Roll Out," "Move Bitch," "Welcome to Atlanta," and my personal favorite "Diamond in the Back."

Luda has a sick flow, and he reps the ATL without relying on crunk, which although amazing is not really the type of music you just throw on (be real people).

In closing, I give you one more song to prove my point. "Hip Hop Quotables." If God's line is busy you might have to two-way him. Case closed.

Movie to Live By: The Big Lebowski

2009-01-08T20:07:00.004-05:00

The first movie to live by was Saving Private Ryan. Inside of me, there is an essential struggle going on between this movie and The Big Lebowski. There has been no winner yet, I think the dude is ahead since I have no chance of fighting with valor in World War II. But back to The Big Lebowski. It is the timeless story of The Dude, a true American hero who doesn't give a fuck about anything, loves to bowl, and gets involved in unbelievable mishaps and adventures. It is also full of great little snippets and lessons about life such as:
Doing Js
Wearing Bathrobes in public
Bowling
The joys of Creedence
The fucking Eagles
White Russians = good
Treating objects like women

Now for a trailer:

One more vid. Every fucking fuck in the movie. Well maybe not, but many of them.

I love this movie. Anytime you want to watch it, do the challenge, anything. Holler

The dude abides.

You didn't hear it from me

2009-01-07T11:03:00.005-05:00

...but who started the trend of writing over-the-top fiction on this blog? I'm just sayin.

To break the cycle, check out this crazy cartoon which expresses the awesomeness of America without words. It was made in 1976 to commemorate the bicentennial of the founding of this great land.

Oh, and by the way, its Wednesday. FISHCO NIGHT!

Mario's Pizzaria, Part I

2009-01-06T23:47:00.003-05:00

She knew it would be her last opportunity to have him before he was taken away for an eight year stint upstate. Armed robbery. In truth he had been at the end of a 48 hour meth binge and rather out of sorts when one of the patrons at Mario's Pizzaria reached for a butter knife in lame effort to foil the unsteady and quite unplanned burglary that was going on before him. In a panic our man had grabbed a pizza slicer off of the closest table and held the circular blade to the hero's throat, demanding the night's earnings from the cash register and whatever change remained with the attempted hero after paying for his medium cheese pizza. His getaway was cut short, and he had only made it about two blocks before the police intercepted him staggering down the street, pizza slicer still in hand. She had called them while hiding with the bus boys in the kitchen.

And now it would be her last opportunity to have him. His lawyer had arranged a private room for their goodbye. The least his lawyer was able to do; though he had been able to lower the charges from hostage taking and assault with a deadly weapon to armed robbery, he had failed to take up the issue of his client's mental state before the jury, saying nothing of years of addiction or even mentioning the troubling results of initial psychoanalysis. Early schizophrenia.

These things all at once flew threw her head as she entered the small, windowless room at the back of the police station. His addiction and her own, his fragile mind soon to be rocked by prison, and of course her ultimate betrayal. She reasoned to herself that it would be for his own good, they would put him in a hospital, help him break his addiction and perhaps treat his developing mental illness. He knew she had made the call that would send him away for eight years. And still he had to have her.

No words were spoken as she advanced towards him. There was nothing to say. He grabbed her and threw her on to the interrogation table. She screamed. More of delight than pain, though pain is good she thought.

The Wolf, Part 2

2009-01-05T22:27:00.004-05:00

I quickly returned to my desk and finished up what I had been working on; filing some business papers by date last modified. There were four more tall stacks of files on my desk that I was scheduled to tackle next. The work of a filing clerk is never done, but I could think of nothing other than finding The Wolf.

Out behind the office was my car, a 1939 Ford. I had saved up for four months to get that car- the entire time I had been a file clerk. It was only a few weeks old: jet black, chrome bumpers, and whitewall tires. Looking at it, I knew that after this coming encounter with The Wolf, the car was likely to be either totaled or vanished.

Starting up the car, I peeled out of the office driveway, spraying pebbles all over the beaters parked underneath the faded mural advertising Wonder Bread. I headed east, out of town--no wait! I needed to go home and pick up a few essentials before setting out to find The Wolf. Flinging the wheel around, I sent the car into a U-turn, tires screeching. There was a kid in the middle of the road, walking home from school no doubt. I didn't stop to see if he was still alive: just another casualty in The Wolf's game.

After a quick stop at home, it was off to the great unknown.

A Day of Mystery

2009-01-05T09:02:00.006-05:00

I'm getting a new roommate today; she's a 22 year old girl from San Francisco. She told my other roommate that she likes to work on boats. Chill I suppose. Hope she listens to extremely violent and/or trashy hip hop. I'm sure she does. Who doesn't?

We cleaned the apartment this morning. I'm not sure why. It wasn't that dirty. I kind of woke up into it. Came out of my room yawning and grabbed a dust pan, balled that out for a little while. I think perhaps it was to set the precedent of a clean living environment for this girl. Bitch better get the hint so I didn't waste my normal early morning zoning out and ball scratching time for nothing.

It's still summer vacation here, but a cold front just came into Rio and the temperature has plunged to the low 70s. It's even threatening to rain today. I've taken precautions. If it rains and I can't go out I'm going to learn to crip walk, even though if I was in a position to join either, I'd probably go blood and rep those red laces.

No problem. Now the blood walk:

And one last one, can't help it. This girl better not be gang associated. Better not leave the seat down or refill the toilet paper so it pulls out in the wrong direction, cause I'll kill the bitch.

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-02T11:11:00.005-05:00

I've always tried to make New Year's Resolutions but in the past they have usually been stupid: don't fail out of college, learn Spanish, etc. However, since I have a natural aversion to speaking languages that are not English (If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it was good enough for the children of Texas! -Miriam Ferguson) these have not often worked. I did graduate college though, so I always have that one going for me.

Anyway here are some more realistic goals for me this year:

-Continue to write Trojans, my scifi masterpiece that will redefine the genre and make me rich and famous (if you want to read some of it, let me know!)
-Not let this blog die like so many of my other ventures in my life
-Fix the slice in my golf game so I can become a member of high society and get invited to invest with Bernie Madoff (too soon)
-Attend my first NFL game
-Work out at least once a month (I told you these were realistic)

That's about all I got. Still pretty sore from tackling all those menacing newspaper stands on New Years. I think I taught them a lesson for trying to tempt me with free periodicals. This is America people! Nothing is free! Especially not freedom itself!

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who actually read this blog. I love you all. I love some people who don't read the blog too, but they'll never know because I would never admit it to their face. Anyway, here's hoping that everyone continues to ball on progressively higher levels this year.

The Wunder Boner

2008-12-31T07:52:00.002-05:00

This makes me want to fish and then de-bone.

These guys know how to party.

PapaJohns.com Bowl

2008-12-30T09:05:00.006-05:00

Earlier in the season, I was hating a little bit on my boy Mike Teel, the quarterback for the Rutgers football team. After New Rochelle High School alum Ray Rice left following his junior year to enter the NFL, where he plays for the Baltimore Ravens, I thought that the Scarlet Knights had no chance to compete in the Big East. Their 1-5 start had me thinking I was right.

However, I should have never doubted the kid from Don Bosco. Roaring back, the boys from Jersey won their last 7 games capped by a win against NC State in the Papajohns.com Bowl.

What's even beter about this win is what it did for the draft stock of my main man Courtney Greene, the four year defensive starter who also hails from my hometown of New Rochelle, NY. This great man, who copied off of me in senior year English class, now has a legit shot of going in the first round after a huge bowl game with an interecption and a forced fumble.

look at the kid's ball skillz!
Number 36 tearin it up

With a good combine, my boy has a legit shot at greatness. Hit the weightroom CG!

The Wolf, Part 1

2008-12-29T22:40:00.006-05:00

It had been an otherwise normal day. I took my lunch at the Squeaky Wheel Diner around the corner from my office: Turkey club sandwich, black coffee, and a slice of apple pie. Leaving the diner, I buttoned my coat up to protect me against the cold as I lit my cigarette.

As I returned to the office, I sensed that something was about to go terribly wrong. I'd seen my fair share of trouble; two years in a muddy trench in western France, a stint in jail after robbing an old woman outside her church, and a series of failed business ventures had left me in dire straits. Finally, I had landed a job as a file clerk at a small architecture firm and was living in a small apartment on the outskirts of Kansas City. Missouri.

Immediately upon taking off my coat, a co-worker raced over to me looking very concerned.

"Hey Pete, a guy was just in here asking about you. Looked weird. Said his name was The Wolf. Said you'd know where to find him."

The Wolf.

So the game is back on, I thought to myself.

who would YOU rather be?

2008-12-29T16:25:00.002-05:00

me: got money

and you know

take it out your pocket and show and throw it

Adam: this the way

thatta way

if you got money for e'ry body to see

takeover the wall of the VIP

me: who would you rather be

t pain

or TI

Adam: easy

TI baby

king of the south

me: but what about t pain

he's hot

anything tpain touches turns to gold

Adam: yea but TI is a real rapper

me: 24s

Adam: cars and clothes

that's the holy trinity of rap

me: yea

how about this

tpain or akon

Adam: akon

t pain on that one

akon is great but he is mad weird in his personal life

Friday

2008-12-26T18:09:00.002-05:00

Actually, better scratch Friday After Next.
Watching one of these movies this weekend gets you 5 points. Report in the comments.

CIA Gives Viagra to Afghan Warlords

2008-12-26T15:21:00.005-05:00

This is great. How do you gain favor with an elderly warlord? How do you secure his trust in order to extract information vital to US national security?

Give him boner medication!

Apparently the CIA has been giving Viagra to older Afghan warlords to get on their good side. One warlord, about 60 years old, with four younger wives, was given four pills and returned the next day beaming, calling his CIA sugar daddy "a great man."

He sure looks happy. Way to go CIA. God Bless America.

Cristes mæsse

2008-12-24T18:23:00.004-05:00

Thats the Old English phrase for "get me the complete Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD or I don't love you anymore Daddy."

This one is for all the goyim out there- the birth of our lord is yea but a few hours hence.

Look upon these animated GIFs and remember what Christmas is all about- wait, what is it all about?

Shit I don't know, I'm Jewish. Happy Hannukah, mofos

m1xtap3s

2008-12-24T09:21:00.004-05:00

So I was recently perusing NPR's lists of the best shit of 2008 (really hood, I know) and I came across this article on mixtapes. If you don't know, mixtapes are ill underground rap records that generate buzz for underground rappers trying to break thorugh, or generate buzz for big rappers trying to get back on top of the game (I'm lookin at you 50).

The best one I heard was by this dude Wale (pronounced Wa-lay). The kid has skills, and spits it hard on his tape called "The Mixtape About Nothing"

It is mad good. If you like Seinfeld, or rap, or both, it is likely to appeal to you.

I first heard about Wale on youtube, where he has been known to spit fire, particularly on the "Mr. Carter" beat

If you're feelin it, peep the mixtape here.

American Gangster

2008-12-23T16:33:00.003-05:00

I just watched American Gangster, the Ridley Scott flick with Denzel Washington about Frank Lucas, the first black crime boss of Harlem.

Though the movie was more or less great, my one complaint (and a huge one) is that there was not a single Jay-Z song on the whole soundtrack. Is that not Heart of the City that we just heard in the trailer?

I went into this thing as I'm sure many others did, with the assumption that Hov did the entire thing. He did afterall release an entire album based on the film..what the fuck?

untitled (the birth of our lord is neigh)

2008-12-22T18:49:00.004-05:00

slowly swirling pieces of garbage spinning
in the gutter
night in the city

night in the winter
never ends

yesterday's white snow
tonight's brown disgusting nastiness

my life does not look like this

it looks like this

the red-faced man haunts my dreams

sometimes the kid likes to get serious ok? don't hold it against me
you could love me or hate me, i swear it won't make me or break me

Thailand

2008-12-22T10:13:00.005-05:00

This woman just set the world record for time with a scorpion in ones mouth. It happened in a mall in Thailand.

This repulses me, not just for the fact that it's a massive bug coming out of her mouth, but because it is so fucking stupid.

"Ok, I'm going to break the world record for having a scorpion in my mouth." Great idea. Dumb bitch.

To Engage the Political Enthusiasts

2008-12-21T15:33:00.002-05:00

Here are some pieces made during the last days of the presidential election. The first is entitled "John McCain, My Friendz."

I will admit to making this second piece with a little less attention to detail in comparison with my work on the first, but I think the overall aesthetic is very pleasing. It is entitled "Barry Obama."

SMOKING UTERUS!

2008-12-21T15:24:00.003-05:00

I have decided to contribute my paint shop masterpieces to the blog in an effort to create more public art for the masses. Here is the first of said masterpieces, entitled, "Smoking Uterus!"

Though I think the piece really speaks for itself, it may be necessary to clarify this is a portrait of a dirty rotten uterus smoking a cigarette.

God and Texas

2008-12-19T10:39:00.004-05:00

name.removed: whoa so we've been working with this texas congressman to write a letter to a governor on our behalf in this case

he just did, and he signed the letter "God and Texas"

AMERICA

This
is
how
we
do.

Separation of church and state? What is that? Merry Christmas!

I am The Voice of This Generation

2008-12-18T23:00:00.005-05:00

Kanye's new album is that good. I have been listening to it daily for the last few weeks; long enough that I've formulated relatively mature opinions on 808s and Heartbreak.

Haters are always going to hate, so its not worth my time trying to respond to some of the negative vibes that have been coming at this album. Instead, let me describe why I love it so much. Those who know me know that I have been a huge fan of 'Ye since The College Dropout (shit, since "Heart of the City") so I will admit that the following comments come from an unabashed diehard Kanye fan.

First of all, the Autotune is legit. Stop being so serious, and embrace the coming of the blade running matrix cyborg future world where we all speak in ridiculous Autotune. Second of all, you know you liked "Put On." So we all knew this was coming. Get into it.

"Heartless" just came on. Jesus Christ, this song is so good. To understand the artistic evolution that Kanye has completed to get here from "Through the Wire" requires hours of listening and a subtle knowledge of his entire body of work, but those long hours listening to Graduation were all worth it. Ok, the subject matter is a little dark, but the beat is so hot that I just don't care.

The subject matter of the album is yet another one of its many strengths. First we elect a black president, now a rap supserstar puts out a concept album that can't really be defined as hip hop. Things are truly looking up for this country.

Best Tracks:
Heartless
Amazing (feat. Young Jeezy)
Paranoid
Robocop
See You in My Nightmares (feat Lil Wayne)

Anyway, stop being a bitch and get into the new Kanye album. And for those of you who like sped up soul samples more than facemelting synthesizers and tight drums, I do understand how you feel. The next album will have those again, I promise. In the meantime, peep this video. Its not much of a video, but the song really needs no visual.

Taco Stands and Boner-Killers

2008-12-17T08:49:00.011-05:00

This is my first day back in the United States and do you know what the first thing I am going to do is?

Get some Mexican food from the taco stand a few blocks down.

I can taste it already.

Plus, this guy above looks pretty excited with what he's about to get. I bet he ordered a fish taco.

I'm in New York and have most of the day free until my more legitimate friends get off of work. I'll take this time to comment very publicly on a few of the posts that have been posted on the posting wall until now.

First, I think the post about Pirates should have actually been about pornogr aphy. It isn't that I think the Somalian thing is boring, it's mind blowing (see above), but I think I can speak for everyone's disappointment when I started to read thinking I was getting some serious porn analysis and ended up with actual piracy.

What a boner-killer.

Second, the soccer thing. Adam you were spot on, Brazilians love soccer. This, however, is where Brazilians (as well as the rest of the world) and Americans differ. Good job.

Third, the "shoe incident." I was talking to my cab driver (Marcelo) on the way to the airport in Rio and this little snippet of news came up. After Marcelo picked up on my anti-Bush sentiments, he let loose and basically told me "that motherfucker deserved it." I couldn't have put it better, Marcelo.

Honestly, who throws a shoe?

2008-12-16T11:55:00.003-05:00

Some good animated GIFs depicting this week's major news story not related to the coming economic collapse of Western Society.

via boing boing

Aren't animated GIFs the best? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Soccer, Brazil, America, The World

2008-12-15T20:56:00.005-05:00

So I've been reading a book recently called How Soccer Explains the World, by Franklin Foer. Although slightly lacking in interviews with 9-year-old Jewish boys from Westchester, this book is really amazing.

Anyway, I wanted to share a quote from the book that struck me.

"Brazil is the bizarro version of the United States. Its the fantastically vast, resource-rich, new-world culture that didn't become a global hedgemon." -p.122

As a student of both Brazilian and American history and culture, this is a truly great sentence. The parallels in racial politics, land policy, and native peoples are deep. These are just a few of the ways in which Brazil and America are bizarro hemispheric twins. If you don't know enough about Brazil to appreciate these similarities, educate thyself. Perhaps watching this clip would be a good place to start:

By the way, these are the kinds of thoughts that constantly rack my brain and cause me to freak out. Get into it.

Pirates!

2008-12-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

First of all, I want to wish you all a good shabbos.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, today I want to talk about pirates.

No, not the most expensive adult film ever made; real pirates who roll up on oil tankers with AK-47s and grenades and dominate the Indian Ocean.

So much of the world's shipping traffic travels by the Horn of Africa and the Strait of Malacca that the scores of desperately poor people who watch all that wealth float by want a piece. So, they get some Zodiacs and surplus Soviet arms and strike fear into the hearts of some unwitting oil or transport ship captain. Its getting to the point where the pirates can do basically whatever they want, and local law enforcement agencies don't have the resources to do shit.

This kind of trend is so interesting to me because of how it is a by-product of Western Culture. All I want is my oil and I don't care how it gets to my gas tank. Meanwhile, some 22 year old in Indonesia is thinking that the only way he can live his life is to throw a rope ladder over the side of a huge ship and rob it.

Let me know your thoughts on Modern Piracy in the comments. Are the readers of His Champion sympathetic or antagonistic to the modern pirate?

For further reading, check out this article from Slate, the online newspaper.

The Prison Industrial Complex

2008-12-12T18:41:00.000-05:00

Mumia Abu-Jamal, from death row:

U.S. incarceration rates by race, June 30, 2006:

Whites: 409 per 100,000
Latinos: 1,038 per 100,000
Blacks: 2,468 per 100,000

Gender is an important "filter" on the who goes to prison or jail, June 30, 2006:

Females: 134 per 100,000
Males: 1,384 per 100,000

In the United States, 11,695 out of every 100,000 black males are in prison, that's 11.7%, or about 1 out of every 9.

The His Champion

2008-12-12T17:31:00.000-05:00

I did a Google image search of Adam's name, and this is the picture I got.

He writes science fiction.
He has an extensive knowledge of colonial era Rhode Island.
He's got a filthy fucking mouth.
He can spit it.

He is The His Champion.

First Halo-related post

2008-12-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

Not the last.

Movie to Live By: Saving Private Ryan

2008-12-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

If you want to see a movie that will change your life, watch Saving Private Ryan. The heroic search of one unit for a missing soldier amidst the chaos of the American invasion of Normandy in June 1944 forms the central plot of the movie, but really this movie is about so much more.

Manliess
Nazi hating
Real shit
guttin it out in the trenches.

Since I don't want to spoil the movie for all you n00bs that haven't seen it, I'm only putting the trailer in this post.

Doesn't that make you want to watch this movie?

At the very least, it makes me want to build a time machine, go back to 1942, enlist, and kick some Nazi ass.

Saving Private Ryan...a movie to live by

Drinking in Public

2008-12-10T17:46:00.000-05:00

I just got home from work at the NGO and am about to leave once again to meet a few friends in the "praça" (Portuguese for 'plaza,' which is Spanish, but as I don't speak Spanish you'll have to look it up). A praça is for drinking beer and bullshitting, which brings me to the point of this post: drinking in public.

I'm visiting THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in about a week from now to pass the holidays with family and friends. Today as my anticipation boiled, I came to the realization that I will not be able to drink in public, as we have no praças, I don't live in New Orleans, and it won't be the 4th of July.

Can we do something about this?

What I mean to say is, can we ball this hard?

What you think I sold ‘em all?

2008-12-09T21:36:00.000-05:00

Please be informed that being my first blog post ever, I'm going to write like I think a real "blogger" would blog. Let me know if I sound like a douche bag.

Here it is:

Compton. I’ve never been there. I’ve never even been to the west coast. My extremely limited knowledge of the neighborhood comes from hip hop lyrics and that horrible History Channel miniseries “Gangland,” (the History Channel has seriously gone to shit).

Today I read that the residents of Compton are handing over their guns in record numbers. It isn’t because the Bloods and Crips have finally put the past behind them, because a black man was elected president, or even because Dre told them to. The infamous Compton is turning over its arsenal out of desperation, in exchange for food vouchers.

Over the last decade or so we have hit some pretty low points as a nation. We lapped up reality television at an unprecedented pace, danced the Macarena, and beat people out of the way to buy Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls. Even with all that humiliation, we have managed to reach a new bottom. We are now at the new pathetic state of the nation in which it no longer feels good to be a gangster.

We’ve heard of toys for guns exchanges and Talib claiming he’s got guns for toys, but food vouchers? We can probably blame the "success" of this weapons for food exchange on the economic crisis. I have to admit though, deep down I was hoping the OGs would rob banks or take hostages to get by, rather than handing over their automatic weapons and hand grenades for a few weeks worth of groceries.

That's right, people turned in hand grenades.

Stadium Status

2008-12-09T20:50:00.001-05:00

So Sam and I have decided to start a blog. If we generate enough of a viral internet buzz, maybe Barack Obama will read this one day and recognize the true ballin power of His Champion.

We plan to write about the things we know best; namely, Latin American politics, American history, rap, medieval Chinese philosophy, zoology and other intellectual topics. If you want to be as cool as Sam and I, follow this blog and take our every recommendation. It will change your life, for the better.

In this, our first blog post, I feel it is only fitting to re-visit a seminal moment in the history of my friendship with Sam.

The date was February 28, 2007.

The show was "Nocturnal Transmissions" on Brown Student Radio.

The track list; well, I think it speaks for itself.

Why not take a listen and see what you think. Some have called it the greatest hour of radio ever created. Ever.

And with that, we would like to welcome you to HIS CHAMPION.