Pirates in the News, Again

Once again our thoughts turn to piracy. This time the scourge of the Indian Ocean has been directed at America, the very nation that drove piracy from the Barbary Coast way back in the early 1800s.

Now the danger lies off the coast of Somalia. Some rouges recently took control of an American ship delivering aid to Kenya. Luckily, the crew was familiar with the use of high pressure fire hoses and drove the pirates off the ship, but not before they took the Captain hostage. Luckily, the American Nacy was nearby and our snipers were able to take the pirates out when they stuck their malicious heads out of their getaway raft in the middle of the night.

One pirate surrendered himself to the authorities, hoping for leniency. Little did he know that he would be extradited and tried in New York City Federal Court. This is Abde Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse:

Is he a minor? Probably, but I doubt that he'll be catching any breaks from our government. His buddies got sniped up, and I predict his ass will go to jail as an example of how America is going to deal with this chapter in the long history of piracy. If recent memory serves me right, we need to step our game up:

Oh, and for the record, His Champion has been on top of this story since December.

Wreckognize, fools.

Melting my face

Some people don't understand when I describe my musical tastes as the never-ending pursuit of facemelting. Don't know what I mean? For example, some crazy hard rock could be described as facemelting. Exhibit A below:

Exhibit B is a classic facemelting jam by one of the country's best bands, Umphrey's McGee. Drop the jamband hate and get out and see these guys. They do so many things well, including melting faces.

Finally we get to Lil Wayne, Weezy F. Baby, Young Stunna. He goes by many names, and as a solf proclaimed facemelter, he can't feel his own face, so why do you?

Weekend homework is to listen to these songs and think about how facemelting connects them all. Class dismissed.

Schiti Field

Not only did I get a new camera this week, but I also had the opportunity to go to an exhibition baseball game at Citi Field, the new ballpark of the New York Mets. Here are some of the pics I snapped on a windy, cold April day.

The new park will never have the same place in my heart as Shea Stadium. I grew up at Shea, watched the Mets lose 100 games a season in the early 90s, win the pennant in 2000, and dozens of other games in which the Mets characteristically underperformed. Citi Field certainly does have its positives; when sitting in my seats on the second deck in left field, I felt like I was closer to the game then when I used to sit out on the foul lines in Shea.

I didn't even get to sample the new fancy food at the stadium, becuase the lines were unbearably long with people moving around the new concourses in a seemingly haphazard manner. At Shea, you were either in your seat, getting food, or going to the bathroom. Now we've got people chilling out at picnic tables and generally loafing around instead of watching the game in an uncomfortable seat, the way baseball is supposed to be watched.

Citi Field does not project itself in the same imposing manner as Shea Stadium did, either. The architects who designed the stadium were modeling it off of multiple different historic ballparks. What they failed to realize is that those parks were crammed into historic city centers and poorly designed as a result. Citi Field follows in this "great" trend, with much success.

Finally, I am not even going to get into the name of this stadium. Not only was it bulit with government subsidies, it is named after a company that is not solvent or heading in a positive direction. To this end, I will briefly mention a revolution coming to Mets Nation:

Shea Guevera.

Expect to hear more about this in the weeks to come.

Its going to be a great summer.

On a roll

OK so this is the premise of the movie that I think someone should pay me to write/direct/star in:

Two brothers growing up in depression-era Cincinnati learn to love different sports at a young age. One loves baseball, while the other takes a liking to football. Each excels in their respective sports in high school, but any chance of playing at a higher level is cut short by the Nazi's and the call to World War II. The football player joins the Marines and goes on to kick major ass in the Pacific, island-hopping and generally tearing shit up. The other one, the baseball player, is a nerd at heart and is not prepared for the realities of life in the army. He ends up being a mechanic of Jeeps behind the front lines and learns to handle his shit.

After the war, the brothers return home changed men. The Marine, raw with the emotional scars of combat, nevertheless professes a deep love for his country and goes on to get a job working for the CIA, hunting down and killing America's enemies abroad. The other brother realizes that his true calling in life is to be a cartoonist, and so he moves to Chicago where he successfully sells his idea for a comic book about Smart-ass superheroes who beat villains with their intellect, write poetry and wear ridiculous clothing.

The cartoonist should have been more careful though, because he eventually becomes famous, moves to France (of course those mofos like this kind of comic), and becomes a COMMIE! The movie ends with the CIA brother looking the cartoonist dead in the face and shooting him in the gut with a sawed-off shotgun. That's what you get for trying to spread that red filth and topple Western Europe!



Yea, so I've always got that to fall back on. But if not, I have plenty of other movie ideas. Like the one loosely based on my life where a young boy overcomes all obstacles to get out of the suburbs and live his life's dream of becoming a listless, itinerant intellectual. Or the one where a group of college friends live in a house and put up this crazy wallpaper in their living room and play video games a lot, and no girls ever hang out with them but whatever its ok who needs girls anyway but then 3 of them live with their girlfriends after they move out. Then they get to have a bachelor party...

Enough ideas for now. And be warned, if I see these plots in the movies I will know who stole them from me! Fear the wrath of the blogger scorned!