when i was a young boy

there comes a time in every man's life when he needs to stand up for what he believes in. fuck the haters, money over bullshit, music is my savior (MIMS), jesus christ superstar, the lord is my witness, im on that midnight train to georgia, 42, there are many copies, meth mouth, halo, can't tell me nothing, new york times crossword puzzles, umphrey's, teddy roosevelt, superbad, custom machine-knit sweaters, banana fitteds, bobby bonilla, mark zuckerberg, all eyez on me, nikes, the g-men, king philip's war, ball till you fall, one blood, shredding, leather-bound books, 40s (theme), historical maps, gat in my lap, THE ALAN PARSONS PROJECT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnwbewZHHKE

last gchat convo for a while, trying not to over do it but it's just too good

me: have you noticed that towards the end of college and leading into business and nonprofit world drafting, people move from 12 pt font to 11 pt font

Sent at 12:07 PM on Wednesday

Adam: what

me: exactly what i said

Sent at 12:08 PM on Wednesday

Adam: who says this

Sent at 12:10 PM on Wednesday

me: i do

it's a fact

Adam: i sometimes use 11

but usually 12

me: lame

Adam: why is that lame

Sent at 12:13 PM on Wednesday

me: cause 12 pt font is like being in college and using wide rule paper

Sent at 12:15 PM on Wednesday

Adam: i mena

i mean

i guess

Sent at 12:16 PM on Wednesday

me: dont play me

Adam: what? im not playing

i just usually use 11pt font

me: oh so you do use 11pt

that's good then

Adam: FUCK

no

NO

NO

me: i'm pretty much at the point where i've switched completely to 11pt

no pun intended

Adam: whatever

me: oh so you haven't

Adam: why are we having this conversations

me: you use 12

Adam: no

usually

jesus fuck

me: i'm in your head

Disney Sports Movies, Life, Playoff Baseball

As I sit here watching game 4 of the ALCS between the Yankees and Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, I am reminded of a few things:

1. The American League is a poor excuse for a baseball league. Tell your pitchers to learn how to hit and tell that extra juiced bat on the bench to lay off the roids and play right field!
2. Those that know me know that my dislike for the Yankees is great. One of my classic young memories was when I attended the first regular season interleague game between the Yankees and Mets at the old Yankee Stadium. Upon entering the stadium with my Mets jersey on, I was immediately the object of scorn for two inebriated Yankee fans, who hurled profanity my way until my father ushered me to our seats. So, I love the Mets but as they are terrible, I watch the Yankees this postseason. THAT BEING SAID:
3. I don't trust the Angels. When Disney makes a movie featuring your real team, a team that exists in the real world and plays real baseball, you are an object of scrutiny. Angels in the Outfield? Come on.
4. That goes for the Mighty Ducks also. This isn't Air Bud, this is the NHL. 
5. In the National League, we've got the Phillies THE WORST POSSIBLE TEAM and the Dodgers (spurners of Brooklyn). What's a Met fan to do?
6. Watch football, we've got 2 good teams in New York
7. WHAT? The Jets and Giants both lost this past week?? Badly? Jesus
8. I'm going back to reading tech blogs.

Peace Prize? LOL

So Barack Obama is going to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize by some Swedish people you have probably never heard of. I'm happy for him, its really cool and all that, but lets be real: what exactly has Barack done to merit this award? Simply not actively messing things up for 9 months can't be the only measure of success they look at. If so, I would be up for this award! Also aren't we about to maybe send a ton of our boys into Afghanistan? I'm not speaking as to the wisdom of our military endeavors, but the fact is that we are engaged in 2 Middle Eastern countries.

I'm not saying I don't love and trust Barack to continue running this country. I'm also not saying that I don't support his calls for nuclear disarmament and peace in general: I totally do. I'm just saying that maybe they threw him this so that he wouldn't be so upset about going all the way to Copenhagen just to have Chi-town lose the Olympics.

Bonus Question: Three other US Presidents have won in the past. Name them, and their accomplishment that merited the Prize. You might win a personal email from me, if I remember.

Smooth Criminal

Michael Jackson RIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WjOn5TNjBM

Since I can't embed that, how about this version:



Bad audio I know but they never let you embed the good ones...

In related news, TKN is coming to the big city tonight. His Champion, once dormant, is poised to make a comeback and change the world. More than a random meaningless phrase, His Champion is a way of life.



Shady Records was 80 seconds
Away from the towers
Some cowards fucked with the wrong building
They meant to hit ours
Better evacuate all children
Nuclear showers theres nothing spookier
Your now about to witness the power of 50
-the immortal words of eminem

Dead and Gone

From LOLNews/punditkitchen.com:

In related news, its June. I know I've fallen off; I blame the person involved in this blog NOT named His Champion.

I'll try my best to keep posting. How about you boost my ego by telling me how much you miss and desire my posts?

On a roll

OK so this is the premise of the movie that I think someone should pay me to write/direct/star in:

Two brothers growing up in depression-era Cincinnati learn to love different sports at a young age. One loves baseball, while the other takes a liking to football. Each excels in their respective sports in high school, but any chance of playing at a higher level is cut short by the Nazi's and the call to World War II. The football player joins the Marines and goes on to kick major ass in the Pacific, island-hopping and generally tearing shit up. The other one, the baseball player, is a nerd at heart and is not prepared for the realities of life in the army. He ends up being a mechanic of Jeeps behind the front lines and learns to handle his shit.

After the war, the brothers return home changed men. The Marine, raw with the emotional scars of combat, nevertheless professes a deep love for his country and goes on to get a job working for the CIA, hunting down and killing America's enemies abroad. The other brother realizes that his true calling in life is to be a cartoonist, and so he moves to Chicago where he successfully sells his idea for a comic book about Smart-ass superheroes who beat villains with their intellect, write poetry and wear ridiculous clothing.

The cartoonist should have been more careful though, because he eventually becomes famous, moves to France (of course those mofos like this kind of comic), and becomes a COMMIE! The movie ends with the CIA brother looking the cartoonist dead in the face and shooting him in the gut with a sawed-off shotgun. That's what you get for trying to spread that red filth and topple Western Europe!



Yea, so I've always got that to fall back on. But if not, I have plenty of other movie ideas. Like the one loosely based on my life where a young boy overcomes all obstacles to get out of the suburbs and live his life's dream of becoming a listless, itinerant intellectual. Or the one where a group of college friends live in a house and put up this crazy wallpaper in their living room and play video games a lot, and no girls ever hang out with them but whatever its ok who needs girls anyway but then 3 of them live with their girlfriends after they move out. Then they get to have a bachelor party...

Enough ideas for now. And be warned, if I see these plots in the movies I will know who stole them from me! Fear the wrath of the blogger scorned!

10 things I am thinking a lot about these days

1. If I could be on the first ship to colonize Mars, but I would have to live the balance of my life on the Red Planet, I would. No questions asked.
2. I have not heard anyone call pancakes "flapjacks" in a long time. Too long.
3. Stephen Colbert won a contest to name a new portion of the International Space Station. Ballin.
4. Why continue this charade? Everyone knows we'll be cyborgs in 50 years, so why not start making our voices sound like robots?
5. I like to have a plant around, because when its late I take comfort knowing that something else is alive in my room.
6. Is there anything better than discovering historic architecture and/or sites in New York? Probably, but its still really good.
7. Jay Cutler is a bitch.
8. I do not envision a time in my life in which I will not listen to rap.
9. There is nothing you could do to convince me to buy a new American-made car. Sorry, I just keep it real.
10. Finally, this video still gets me every time.
    

Love to all my peoples.

Takeover

AK, is runnin this blog shit.



S.A.M., get gunned up and clapped quick.



It was never the quality of Sam's posts that was lacking, but the kid has fallen off as of late. He hasn't posted since he told the world his MSPaint art was more John Blaze than Jackson Pollock. A bold claim, but somehow he pulled it off.

Sam, I love you, but you gotta show some love to the internets. If we don't get discovered soon then we'll miss our chance to take the world by storm as and up-and-coming young cynical overeducated Web 2.0 comic duo!

In other news, Phish is back together, and T.O. is going to the Buffalo Bills. We are truly living in historic times.

I never dreamed of living this long.

Feelin It

I'm not talking about the song off of "Reasonable Doubt."

Well, actually I am. Always. But I also want to discuss "feelin it" as a term in general. This useful phrase can be used to explain even the most irrational of actions. For example, every time I go off on an irreverent tangent and get called out for speaking nonsense, I just cover and say that I was "feelin it, yo."

Other situations in which the use of this phrase is appropriate include:
-when one has drank too much
-when one orders that extra hot dog, chili cheese dog, ice cream cone, etc and then fails to finish it
-when one plays rap music at loud volumes early in the morning
-when one gets caught reading People magazine
-when one switches from skiing to snowboarding
-when one balls at a higher level than those around him/her
-when one makes an objectively bad play in Halo
-when one blows off responsibilities to go to the beach and build a sandcastle
-when one has drank too much

Some might question why I have even written this post. Those people, however, clearly did not see the same subtlety in it that exists in a well played game of cricket.

I'm just feelin it on a Monday night. Get 'em.

we are not the same, I am a Martian

For those of you that read my previous blog (some deep underground shit. someday the content on there will be worth its weight in gold!) you will know that I have an appreciation for the Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration. Well, I recently came upon this image on Wikipeida and thought I would share it with you all. It is a shot of the ship America during the failed Ziegler Polar Expedition which failed to reach the North Pole in 1903. Different pole, I know. But look at this pic:

Caption: "On October 15th, our luminary dipped below the horizon in a glow of scarlet fire."

Imagine being on that ship as the sun dipped below the horizon, plunging you and the only 30 other men for thousands of miles into months of darkness, surrounded by massive sheets of ice. I don't know about you guys, but it sounds cool to me! I mean, who wouldn't want to be a part of this?

This type of exploration is missing from our society today. The internet, which in my mind is still a 21st century "wild west," is a poor substitute for the place that these epic expeditions used to have in society's imagination. Hopefully soon, we will be going to Mars, so people can focus on something besides killing each other over completely senseless ideas.

For real, sign me up on the first ship. I want to live in that thing.

You didn't hear it from me

...but who started the trend of writing over-the-top fiction on this blog? I'm just sayin.

To break the cycle, check out this crazy cartoon which expresses the awesomeness of America without words. It was made in 1976 to commemorate the bicentennial of the founding of this great land.



Oh, and by the way, its Wednesday. FISHCO NIGHT!

who would YOU rather be?

me: got money

and you know

it

take it out your pocket and show and throw it

Adam: this the way

thatta way

if you got money for e'ry body to see

takeover the wall of the VIP

me: who would you rather be

t pain

or TI

Adam: easy

TI baby

king of the south

me: but what about t pain

he's hot

anything tpain touches turns to gold

Adam: yea but TI is a real rapper

me: 24s

Adam: cars and clothes

that's the holy trinity of rap

me: yea

how about this

tpain or akon

Adam: akon

no

t pain on that one

akon is great but he is mad weird in his personal life

Soccer, Brazil, America, The World

So I've been reading a book recently called How Soccer Explains the World, by Franklin Foer. Although slightly lacking in interviews with 9-year-old Jewish boys from Westchester, this book is really amazing.



Anyway, I wanted to share a quote from the book that struck me.

"Brazil is the bizarro version of the United States. Its the fantastically vast, resource-rich, new-world culture that didn't become a global hedgemon." -p.122

As a student of both Brazilian and American history and culture, this is a truly great sentence. The parallels in racial politics, land policy, and native peoples are deep. These are just a few of the ways in which Brazil and America are bizarro hemispheric twins. If you don't know enough about Brazil to appreciate these similarities, educate thyself. Perhaps watching this clip would be a good place to start:



By the way, these are the kinds of thoughts that constantly rack my brain and cause me to freak out. Get into it.

Pirates!

First of all, I want to wish you all a good shabbos.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, today I want to talk about pirates.

No, not the most expensive adult film ever made; real pirates who roll up on oil tankers with AK-47s and grenades and dominate the Indian Ocean.

So much of the world's shipping traffic travels by the Horn of Africa and the Strait of Malacca that the scores of desperately poor people who watch all that wealth float by want a piece. So, they get some Zodiacs and surplus Soviet arms and strike fear into the hearts of some unwitting oil or transport ship captain. Its getting to the point where the pirates can do basically whatever they want, and local law enforcement agencies don't have the resources to do shit.

This kind of trend is so interesting to me because of how it is a by-product of Western Culture. All I want is my oil and I don't care how it gets to my gas tank. Meanwhile, some 22 year old in Indonesia is thinking that the only way he can live his life is to throw a rope ladder over the side of a huge ship and rob it.

Let me know your thoughts on Modern Piracy in the comments. Are the readers of His Champion sympathetic or antagonistic to the modern pirate?


For further reading, check out this article from Slate, the online newspaper.