The Maersk Alabama should stay away from the Indian Ocean

So the Maersk Alabama, who you may remember as the ship which was captured by pirates a few months ago, was AGAIN attacked earlier today off the coast of Somalia. However, this time the men on board the ship had guns of their own, and were able to repel the attack. This story has been getting some good news coverage, but here's hoping that this story gains some traction.

On a serious note, the piracy problem is a systemic one and has dire consequences for both sides. Part of me wishes that we could call these "pirates" something else, because when I hear this word I start thinking about Blackbeard, Jolly Rogers, and booty. Hehe, booty.

Pirates have become somewhat of a theme here on hischampion. Please note previous championships about Pirates here and here, among other places.

Here she is, the mighty Maersk Alabama. Custom built out of freedom to deliver American shipping containers where they are needed most.

P.S. I will now begin calling my posts championships. Are we pro or con on this?

Disney Sports Movies, Life, Playoff Baseball

As I sit here watching game 4 of the ALCS between the Yankees and Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, I am reminded of a few things:

1. The American League is a poor excuse for a baseball league. Tell your pitchers to learn how to hit and tell that extra juiced bat on the bench to lay off the roids and play right field!
2. Those that know me know that my dislike for the Yankees is great. One of my classic young memories was when I attended the first regular season interleague game between the Yankees and Mets at the old Yankee Stadium. Upon entering the stadium with my Mets jersey on, I was immediately the object of scorn for two inebriated Yankee fans, who hurled profanity my way until my father ushered me to our seats. So, I love the Mets but as they are terrible, I watch the Yankees this postseason. THAT BEING SAID:
3. I don't trust the Angels. When Disney makes a movie featuring your real team, a team that exists in the real world and plays real baseball, you are an object of scrutiny. Angels in the Outfield? Come on.
4. That goes for the Mighty Ducks also. This isn't Air Bud, this is the NHL. 
5. In the National League, we've got the Phillies THE WORST POSSIBLE TEAM and the Dodgers (spurners of Brooklyn). What's a Met fan to do?
6. Watch football, we've got 2 good teams in New York
7. WHAT? The Jets and Giants both lost this past week?? Badly? Jesus
8. I'm going back to reading tech blogs.

Smooth Criminal

Michael Jackson RIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WjOn5TNjBM

Since I can't embed that, how about this version:



Bad audio I know but they never let you embed the good ones...

In related news, TKN is coming to the big city tonight. His Champion, once dormant, is poised to make a comeback and change the world. More than a random meaningless phrase, His Champion is a way of life.



Shady Records was 80 seconds
Away from the towers
Some cowards fucked with the wrong building
They meant to hit ours
Better evacuate all children
Nuclear showers theres nothing spookier
Your now about to witness the power of 50
-the immortal words of eminem

Pirates in the News, Again

Once again our thoughts turn to piracy. This time the scourge of the Indian Ocean has been directed at America, the very nation that drove piracy from the Barbary Coast way back in the early 1800s.

Now the danger lies off the coast of Somalia. Some rouges recently took control of an American ship delivering aid to Kenya. Luckily, the crew was familiar with the use of high pressure fire hoses and drove the pirates off the ship, but not before they took the Captain hostage. Luckily, the American Nacy was nearby and our snipers were able to take the pirates out when they stuck their malicious heads out of their getaway raft in the middle of the night.

One pirate surrendered himself to the authorities, hoping for leniency. Little did he know that he would be extradited and tried in New York City Federal Court. This is Abde Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse:

Is he a minor? Probably, but I doubt that he'll be catching any breaks from our government. His buddies got sniped up, and I predict his ass will go to jail as an example of how America is going to deal with this chapter in the long history of piracy. If recent memory serves me right, we need to step our game up:

Oh, and for the record, His Champion has been on top of this story since December.

Wreckognize, fools.

Let me get one minute of your time

What would AIG's $62 billion loss buy?

AIG lost $62 billion this past quarter: thats about $460,000.00 per minute. What could you buy with that money?

All I want is one minute of those losses, and I'd be set for the next couple of years.

Exhibit A is displayed below.

Note the AIG sign in the outfield of Yankee Stadium, but also the fact that thet Yankees are losing to the White Sox. Yet another reason Barack is right. Ozzie's got his boys ready to go!

The Barack the Mic Tour Continues

I don't even listen to the words coming out of Barack's mouth anymore. I just watch for that swagger. In the words of Weezy F. Baby, "What's G?"

Barack Obama.

Even in the face of a mountainous deficit, global recession, and a generally bleak outlook for things across the board, Barack, Joey Biden, Pelosi, Hil, J. Kerry, Dodd, and all the other old-ass politicians were all cheesing mad hard. Even the turncoat Lieberman was ready to give the White Sox fan-in-chief some dap. I know you're playing nice now Joe, but don't think I've forgotten your poor play in 2000 and 2008. N00b. I'm watching your shifty ass.

Barack even gave a shout out to T.R. while talking about healthcare. Yet another reason to get my tattoo.

You know what: I refuse to talk about any specific issues raised by the president. All I want to do is bask in his glow. I don't want to let him down.

"I am not a quitter, Mr. President"

OK, so...now what do we do?

put on for our cities.

Steamblog

So this week I am skiing in beautiful Steamboat Springs, Colorado. The conditions have been pretty good, and although my legs are pretty sore this trip has re-affirmed my love for skiing in the Rockies. This morning me and my ski/snowboard accomplices found some pristine powder during the tail end of a snowfall and made our way through some stands of huge evergreens and aspen trees. It was epic. The type of snow I came out here for.

The following is a picture of my friend Evan after a long day on the mountain today.

I think that's a man who's ready for more shredding.

A quick anecdote about the town of Steamboat before I retire. There is a former ski racer named Billy Kidd who is a Steammboat legend. He won a few World Cup events and was the first American to win an Olympic medal in Alpine Skiing, at the 1964 Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria. He now lives in Steamboat and wears a cowboy hat while skiing with tourists.

Shred on, my friends.

Four Score and...WTF?

So this week, on Thursday, is Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday; to be honest, I'm so happy for the old guy. He doesn't look a day over 125.

For real though, there is a Lincoln orgy going on in this country right now. The New York Times even took a break from reassuring limousine liberals that it is not in financial hot water to run a piece on some new books about Abraham Lincoln that are coming out around this historic birthday. Accompanying the story are some cool cartoons of the 16th President.

New lets get real. Maybe its just me, but I am at the point where I doubt whether many of the anecdotes attributed to the Great Emancipator are true. I mean, he did not free the slaves. He freed slaves in parts of the country that were NOT PART OF THE COUNTRY in 1863. He was a great President who held the country together in perhaps its most trying time, but I feel like we are talking about Augustus in the age of Constantine here. Lincoln is nevertheless a vital part of the American myth; if pennies go out of circulation I will NOT be happy.

I do really want to go to the Abraham Lincoln Birthplace National Historic Site. They built a Greek Temple around a reconstruction of the cabin in which he was born. Get into it.

Its Boss Time!

So the Superbowl was last night. If you did not know this, then you are not reading this blog because you are not a real person.

As I predicted, despite his "beast" effort, Larry Fitz couldn't win the game on his own, and when it came down to it Big Ben made that key play when it really mattered.

All I have to say is, Costas, can I get a job? You know I would be better than Dennis Miller was on Monday Night Football. Not only do I have a rapier wit and a once-in-a-generation sense of humor, I know something about football!

For all the non-football fans, I know that you only watched the game for the ads, and possibly the halftime show featuring Bruce Springsteen. There were some good ads from Doritos and GoDaddy.com, but overall there was no Pets.com sock puppet to blow my mind.


A few more observations about the game/festivities/orgy of American symbolic might in the face of an uncertain future. Did everyone see General Petraeus doing the coin toss? Dude, shouldn't you be in IRAQ supervising the election there? Seriously, WTF? Also, The Boss was good; a little over the top, but keeping it just real enough. I still pine for the Aerosmith/Nsync/Britney Spears/Nelly days. Faith and Jennifer Hudson before the game were aight also. As for this lip-synching rumor, I don't really care. What do you think about that?

So take-home message is that while football is great, and I mean great, there are 13 days until pitchers and catchers report to Mets Spring Training. Yes.

While you're at it, I am currently listening to my friend's radio show on www.wbrs.org, Brandeis Student Radio. The show is called Old School/New School and its on Mondays from 10:30-midnight. They occasionally play Weezy. Holla.

we are not the same, I am a Martian

For those of you that read my previous blog (some deep underground shit. someday the content on there will be worth its weight in gold!) you will know that I have an appreciation for the Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration. Well, I recently came upon this image on Wikipeida and thought I would share it with you all. It is a shot of the ship America during the failed Ziegler Polar Expedition which failed to reach the North Pole in 1903. Different pole, I know. But look at this pic:

Caption: "On October 15th, our luminary dipped below the horizon in a glow of scarlet fire."

Imagine being on that ship as the sun dipped below the horizon, plunging you and the only 30 other men for thousands of miles into months of darkness, surrounded by massive sheets of ice. I don't know about you guys, but it sounds cool to me! I mean, who wouldn't want to be a part of this?

This type of exploration is missing from our society today. The internet, which in my mind is still a 21st century "wild west," is a poor substitute for the place that these epic expeditions used to have in society's imagination. Hopefully soon, we will be going to Mars, so people can focus on something besides killing each other over completely senseless ideas.

For real, sign me up on the first ship. I want to live in that thing.

This country is Barack-ing

Just a short acknowledgment of the inauguration this morning. I know I hate a lot, but watching that speech even gave this cynic goosebumps. Here's hoping that we return to balling out as hard as we did in the mid-90s.

In the modified words of Steve Ballmer: "I LOVE THIS COUTNRYY"

Barack, if you're reading this (I knwo you are- we got Google ananlytics on this bitch), let me just say one more thing. Disregard my earlier negative energy and channel the positive vibes I am sending your way today. You gave a good speech, my friend. Better than I could have given. Just don't screw this one up man. We are all counting on you, legit.

Handle thy shit.

Steelers, Cardinals, Advertisements

So sports fans, your Super Bowl matchup is now set. In two weeks, the Pittsburgh Steelers will face the Arizona Cardinals in what is sure to be a much worse game than last year (GMENNNNNN!!).

First off, I have to say that I am disappointed that Ray Rice, the pride of New Rochelle and Running Back for the Baltimore Ravens, lost today and will not be going to the Super Bowl as a rookie. Its ok though, because I still guarantee his future beast status in the National Football League.

Onto the actual game. The Steelers are going to win. This is not about what I want, because I would love nothing more than to see Larry Fitzgerald win a ring. The fact is that the Steelers have an insane defense and a quarterback who makes just enough plays every week to grind out a win for his post-industrial city still struggling to redefine itself after the companies that created it left to follow cheap labor to the Developing World.

So except for the real, hardcore football fans who have watched the entire season, feel the emotion of the teams that have been through hell together, and understand the subtleties of the game we call football (but should really call something else- seriously. Football was already taken), most people just watch the Super Bowl for the ads. This year, I hope they are still good in spite of the economy. I mean, seriously. This is America- we are not going to let some Depression ruin the fucking Super Bowl are we? Remember when this ad was the hottness?

Yea. A true classic. I learned how to burp that back in the day.

Jamie Foxx

Tonight is the pre-inauguration concert in Washington DC and Jamie Foxx is supposedly giving a reading. When I become President of the United States, I will no doubt also have a multi-genre celebrity speaking at my pre-inauguration party. Some people hate on Jamie Foxx. I can't understand this. One person that I until today considered a friend, who will remain nameless (her name is short for a piece of male genitalia), was talking some serious shit about Jamie Foxx earlier this afternoon. Her reasoning: "I don't like when celebrities think they can do more than one genre." That's some bullshit, Jamie can do anything, which as proven tonight includes historical speeches. Here's a clip of Jamie sabotaging a fellow comedian at a roast of football great Emmitt Smith.



Basically anything Jamie Foxx does is historically relevant, not just the speech tonight. The fact that Jamie Foxx is a multi-genre star allows him to get down on historically relevant music, like Gold Digger. I heard this song at least three times a night at every party I went to my first year at college. You all remember.



College was pretty fun. Everything escalates quickly at college. Drinking, papers, mostly I'm talking about drinking. God bless the brass monkey and fuck the dealer. There is of course no rule though that we can't drink heavily outside of the golden gates of academia, it just becomes a little less accepted. Fuck it. I plan on drinking a brass monkey on my 50th birthday party. And 60th and every decade I make after that. Bring it.

T-T-T-TR

So in light of Barack Obama's coming inaguration I would like to offer some advice to teh next Leader of the World/ Baller in Chief:
I know that everybody is talking about FDR as a model for your presidency, but I would like to offer up another suggestion. The other President Roosevelt. TR!

I think its clear what I am talking about from these two portraits. I don't see Barack rockin that little string off of his glasses! In fact, he's not wearing glasses at all--he probably has contact lenses, which are commonly known to be the work of the Devil and will result in your eyes falling out on your 60th birthday. This is a fact.

But back to TR, my favorite President. I have a bust of him on my desk even now as I am writing this. If you don't believe me, ask anyone I know. Chances are they will not hesitate to embarass me by verifying this story. Why is TR my favorite president, you ask? Well, let me enumerate just a few of the reasons:

1. He made the Grand Canyon a National Park.
2. He was a rancher.
3. He wrote the definitive Naval History of the War of 1812 (bonus question: What was a main cause of the War of 1812?)
4. He was on a hike in the Catskills when he learned that President McKinley had been shot and that he would become president.
5. In his "comeback tour" he won the most votes of any 3rd Party candidate, with the Bull Moose party.
6. He killed more animals for fun than any other President.
7. He's from NEW YORK, just like Ja Rule.
8. He is present in a picture of Abraham Lincoln's funeral procession through New York City.
9. He is named after the Teddy Bear (I am just told that this might not be true. I will have to check and get back to you).
   
10. He built the Panama Canal.

OK so that last one brings me to his biggest shortcoming, but its kindof a biggie. Jingoism. Yes he thought that the US of A could do whatever we wanted in Latin America. This is not cool. President Elect Obama, don't be about the Roosevelt Corollary.

I guess what I am really trying to say is, Barack (Can I call you Barack?), should I get this cartoon as a tattoo?

the other blog, as introduced through this blog, bloggin

I started another blog about my NGO here in Rio, Community in Action (Comunidade em Ação). The idea is to get the students and volunteers at the NGO sharing their everyday experiences in both Portuguese and English. Here is a taste to give some visual of what the organization does:



This does not in any way mean that I'm going to start getting serious here, or that the Community in Action blog will be completely serious either. What I mean to say is, everything that I write and/or say is very serious and should not be questioned, criticized, or trivialized. This is the reason why blogs exist, because the things we artists have to say are far more important than your average Joe.

Something very important that I was just pondering is the amount of sugar or salt each country puts in their respective individual ketchup packets.



Let's be real and agree that the packets in the United States contain what can be called 'normal' or 'real' ketchup. I'm not particularly well traveled. I've been to Canada so let's start there. It's too sweet. It's pretty close to American ketchup, but not quite the same thing. But Canadians put mayonaisse or vinegar on shit instead so it doesn't really matter. Nice try Canada. I live in Brazil. The ketchup here is both sweet and salty at the same time. Fuck that. If you ever come to Brazil, ask for mustard instead.

Brain Dump

In the spirit of the previous post, here are some of the things I have been thinking about today:

Ricky Henderson got inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame in his first year of elegibility. He used to be a coach on the Mets. I always love seeing people affiliated with the Mets getting into Cooperstown.

The Game is coming up on my list of favorite rappers. Watch this video of him and Kanye (who will always be #1 in my heart).

It would be really cool if I were actually born in a different time and place. For example, colonial New York, Ohio and Michigan when they were the Western frontier of America, colonial French Canada, ancient Rome, first generation British convict in Australia, the people who went out on the Pacific Ocean in canoes to populate all those islands. Really any other era has at least a few perks.

I am pretty much over Barack Obama. Its great that he got elected, but since he has suuuuch high expectations I already know he is bound to disappoint. He will likely cave to environmental interests in the face of economic catastrophe. If this is really a New New Deal, I want all new sidewalks, playgrounds, National Parks, publicly-funded murals, surveys of historic buildings, and dams. Also, finish the sculpture of Crazy Horse out there in South Dakota

Why beat around the bush (no pun intended)? I spent all my political energy on the election. Now, just let me watch cartoons and experience this country's last decade of pseudo-relevancy. Nothing we can do about it people.

I don't really like Mondays, especially when there is no Monday Night Football to look forward to.

When the Matrix is revealed to be real, I'll be there telling all you fools "told you so!"

It goes without saying by Sam that it takes all of my efforts at times to remain grounded in society and not let my mind explode under the ridiculous state that is modern American life. To make matters worse, I work in Times Square and am forced to look a giant ads for Charmin all day. Charmin! As if I'm going to a play and thinking to myself "you know, I bet Charmin is good. My ass does get sore when I wipe it with yesterday's USAToday."

= = the end of the world. That is an ipod speaker/TP holder.

What do you think about THAT? Now I'm faklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

Movie to Live By: The Big Lebowski

The first movie to live by was Saving Private Ryan. Inside of me, there is an essential struggle going on between this movie and The Big Lebowski. There has been no winner yet, I think the dude is ahead since I have no chance of fighting with valor in World War II. But back to The Big Lebowski. It is the timeless story of The Dude, a true American hero who doesn't give a fuck about anything, loves to bowl, and gets involved in unbelievable mishaps and adventures. It is also full of great little snippets and lessons about life such as:
Doing Js
Wearing Bathrobes in public
Bowling
The joys of Creedence
The fucking Eagles
White Russians = good
Treating objects like women

Now for a trailer:


One more vid. Every fucking fuck in the movie. Well maybe not, but many of them.


I love this movie. Anytime you want to watch it, do the challenge, anything. Holler

The dude abides.

You didn't hear it from me

...but who started the trend of writing over-the-top fiction on this blog? I'm just sayin.

To break the cycle, check out this crazy cartoon which expresses the awesomeness of America without words. It was made in 1976 to commemorate the bicentennial of the founding of this great land.



Oh, and by the way, its Wednesday. FISHCO NIGHT!

The Wolf, Part 2

I quickly returned to my desk and finished up what I had been working on; filing some business papers by date last modified. There were four more tall stacks of files on my desk that I was scheduled to tackle next. The work of a filing clerk is never done, but I could think of nothing other than finding The Wolf.

Out behind the office was my car, a 1939 Ford. I had saved up for four months to get that car- the entire time I had been a file clerk. It was only a few weeks old: jet black, chrome bumpers, and whitewall tires. Looking at it, I knew that after this coming encounter with The Wolf, the car was likely to be either totaled or vanished.

Starting up the car, I peeled out of the office driveway, spraying pebbles all over the beaters parked underneath the faded mural advertising Wonder Bread. I headed east, out of town--no wait! I needed to go home and pick up a few essentials before setting out to find The Wolf. Flinging the wheel around, I sent the car into a U-turn, tires screeching. There was a kid in the middle of the road, walking home from school no doubt. I didn't stop to see if he was still alive: just another casualty in The Wolf's game.

After a quick stop at home, it was off to the great unknown.

New Years Resolutions

I've always tried to make New Year's Resolutions but in the past they have usually been stupid: don't fail out of college, learn Spanish, etc. However, since I have a natural aversion to speaking languages that are not English (If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it was good enough for the children of Texas! -Miriam Ferguson) these have not often worked. I did graduate college though, so I always have that one going for me.

Anyway here are some more realistic goals for me this year:

-Continue to write Trojans, my scifi masterpiece that will redefine the genre and make me rich and famous (if you want to read some of it, let me know!)
-Not let this blog die like so many of my other ventures in my life
-Fix the slice in my golf game so I can become a member of high society and get invited to invest with Bernie Madoff (too soon)
-Attend my first NFL game
-Work out at least once a month (I told you these were realistic)

That's about all I got. Still pretty sore from tackling all those menacing newspaper stands on New Years. I think I taught them a lesson for trying to tempt me with free periodicals. This is America people! Nothing is free! Especially not freedom itself!

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who actually read this blog. I love you all. I love some people who don't read the blog too, but they'll never know because I would never admit it to their face. Anyway, here's hoping that everyone continues to ball on progressively higher levels this year.