The Wunder Boner

This makes me want to fish and then de-bone.



These guys know how to party.

PapaJohns.com Bowl

Earlier in the season, I was hating a little bit on my boy Mike Teel, the quarterback for the Rutgers football team. After New Rochelle High School alum Ray Rice left following his junior year to enter the NFL, where he plays for the Baltimore Ravens, I thought that the Scarlet Knights had no chance to compete in the Big East. Their 1-5 start had me thinking I was right.

However, I should have never doubted the kid from Don Bosco. Roaring back, the boys from Jersey won their last 7 games capped by a win against NC State in the Papajohns.com Bowl.

What's even beter about this win is what it did for the draft stock of my main man Courtney Greene, the four year defensive starter who also hails from my hometown of New Rochelle, NY. This great man, who copied off of me in senior year English class, now has a legit shot of going in the first round after a huge bowl game with an interecption and a forced fumble.

look at the kid's ball skillz!
Number 36 tearin it up

With a good combine, my boy has a legit shot at greatness. Hit the weightroom CG!

The Wolf, Part 1

It had been an otherwise normal day. I took my lunch at the Squeaky Wheel Diner around the corner from my office: Turkey club sandwich, black coffee, and a slice of apple pie. Leaving the diner, I buttoned my coat up to protect me against the cold as I lit my cigarette.

As I returned to the office, I sensed that something was about to go terribly wrong. I'd seen my fair share of trouble; two years in a muddy trench in western France, a stint in jail after robbing an old woman outside her church, and a series of failed business ventures had left me in dire straits. Finally, I had landed a job as a file clerk at a small architecture firm and was living in a small apartment on the outskirts of Kansas City. Missouri.

Immediately upon taking off my coat, a co-worker raced over to me looking very concerned.

"Hey Pete, a guy was just in here asking about you. Looked weird. Said his name was The Wolf. Said you'd know where to find him."

The Wolf.

So the game is back on, I thought to myself.

who would YOU rather be?

me: got money

and you know

it

take it out your pocket and show and throw it

Adam: this the way

thatta way

if you got money for e'ry body to see

takeover the wall of the VIP

me: who would you rather be

t pain

or TI

Adam: easy

TI baby

king of the south

me: but what about t pain

he's hot

anything tpain touches turns to gold

Adam: yea but TI is a real rapper

me: 24s

Adam: cars and clothes

that's the holy trinity of rap

me: yea

how about this

tpain or akon

Adam: akon

no

t pain on that one

akon is great but he is mad weird in his personal life

Friday

Actually, better scratch Friday After Next.
Watching one of these movies this weekend gets you 5 points. Report in the comments.

CIA Gives Viagra to Afghan Warlords

This is great. How do you gain favor with an elderly warlord? How do you secure his trust in order to extract information vital to US national security?

Give him boner medication!



Apparently the CIA has been giving Viagra to older Afghan warlords to get on their good side. One warlord, about 60 years old, with four younger wives, was given four pills and returned the next day beaming, calling his CIA sugar daddy "a great man."



He sure looks happy. Way to go CIA. God Bless America.

Cristes mæsse

Thats the Old English phrase for "get me the complete Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD or I don't love you anymore Daddy."

This one is for all the goyim out there- the birth of our lord is yea but a few hours hence.

Look upon these animated GIFs and remember what Christmas is all about- wait, what is it all about?

Shit I don't know, I'm Jewish. Happy Hannukah, mofos

m1xtap3s

So I was recently perusing NPR's lists of the best shit of 2008 (really hood, I know) and I came across this article on mixtapes. If you don't know, mixtapes are ill underground rap records that generate buzz for underground rappers trying to break thorugh, or generate buzz for big rappers trying to get back on top of the game (I'm lookin at you 50).

The best one I heard was by this dude Wale (pronounced Wa-lay). The kid has skills, and spits it hard on his tape called "The Mixtape About Nothing"

It is mad good. If you like Seinfeld, or rap, or both, it is likely to appeal to you.

I first heard about Wale on youtube, where he has been known to spit fire, particularly on the "Mr. Carter" beat



If you're feelin it, peep the mixtape here.

American Gangster

I just watched American Gangster, the Ridley Scott flick with Denzel Washington about Frank Lucas, the first black crime boss of Harlem.



Though the movie was more or less great, my one complaint (and a huge one) is that there was not a single Jay-Z song on the whole soundtrack. Is that not Heart of the City that we just heard in the trailer?




I went into this thing as I'm sure many others did, with the assumption that Hov did the entire thing. He did afterall release an entire album based on the film..what the fuck?

untitled (the birth of our lord is neigh)

slowly swirling pieces of garbage spinning
in the gutter
night in the city

night in the winter
never ends

yesterday's white snow
tonight's brown disgusting nastiness

my life does not look like this

it looks like this

the red-faced man haunts my dreams










sometimes the kid likes to get serious ok? don't hold it against me
you could love me or hate me, i swear it won't make me or break me

Thailand

This woman just set the world record for time with a scorpion in ones mouth. It happened in a mall in Thailand.



This repulses me, not just for the fact that it's a massive bug coming out of her mouth, but because it is so fucking stupid.

"Ok, I'm going to break the world record for having a scorpion in my mouth." Great idea. Dumb bitch.

To Engage the Political Enthusiasts

Here are some pieces made during the last days of the presidential election. The first is entitled "John McCain, My Friendz."

I will admit to making this second piece with a little less attention to detail in comparison with my work on the first, but I think the overall aesthetic is very pleasing. It is entitled "Barry Obama."

SMOKING UTERUS!

I have decided to contribute my paint shop masterpieces to the blog in an effort to create more public art for the masses. Here is the first of said masterpieces, entitled, "Smoking Uterus!"



Though I think the piece really speaks for itself, it may be necessary to clarify this is a portrait of a dirty rotten uterus smoking a cigarette.

God and Texas

name.removed: whoa so we've been working with this texas congressman to write a letter to a governor on our behalf in this case

he just did, and he signed the letter "God and Texas"

AMERICA

This
is
how
we
do.

Separation of church and state? What is that? Merry Christmas!

I am The Voice of This Generation

Kanye's new album is that good. I have been listening to it daily for the last few weeks; long enough that I've formulated relatively mature opinions on 808s and Heartbreak.

Haters are always going to hate, so its not worth my time trying to respond to some of the negative vibes that have been coming at this album. Instead, let me describe why I love it so much. Those who know me know that I have been a huge fan of 'Ye since The College Dropout (shit, since "Heart of the City") so I will admit that the following comments come from an unabashed diehard Kanye fan.

First of all, the Autotune is legit. Stop being so serious, and embrace the coming of the blade running matrix cyborg future world where we all speak in ridiculous Autotune. Second of all, you know you liked "Put On." So we all knew this was coming. Get into it.

"Heartless" just came on. Jesus Christ, this song is so good. To understand the artistic evolution that Kanye has completed to get here from "Through the Wire" requires hours of listening and a subtle knowledge of his entire body of work, but those long hours listening to Graduation were all worth it. Ok, the subject matter is a little dark, but the beat is so hot that I just don't care.

The subject matter of the album is yet another one of its many strengths. First we elect a black president, now a rap supserstar puts out a concept album that can't really be defined as hip hop. Things are truly looking up for this country.

Best Tracks:
Heartless
Amazing (feat. Young Jeezy)
Paranoid
Robocop
See You in My Nightmares (feat Lil Wayne)


Anyway, stop being a bitch and get into the new Kanye album. And for those of you who like sped up soul samples more than facemelting synthesizers and tight drums, I do understand how you feel. The next album will have those again, I promise. In the meantime, peep this video. Its not much of a video, but the song really needs no visual.

Taco Stands and Boner-Killers

This is my first day back in the United States and do you know what the first thing I am going to do is?

Get some Mexican food from the taco stand a few blocks down.



I can taste it already.



Plus, this guy above looks pretty excited with what he's about to get. I bet he ordered a fish taco.

I'm in New York and have most of the day free until my more legitimate friends get off of work. I'll take this time to comment very publicly on a few of the posts that have been posted on the posting wall until now.



First, I think the post about Pirates should have actually been about pornography. It isn't that I think the Somalian thing is boring, it's mind blowing (see above), but I think I can speak for everyone's disappointment when I started to read thinking I was getting some serious porn analysis and ended up with actual piracy.

What a boner-killer.

Second, the soccer thing. Adam you were spot on, Brazilians love soccer. This, however, is where Brazilians (as well as the rest of the world) and Americans differ. Good job.

Third, the "shoe incident." I was talking to my cab driver (Marcelo) on the way to the airport in Rio and this little snippet of news came up. After Marcelo picked up on my anti-Bush sentiments, he let loose and basically told me "that motherfucker deserved it." I couldn't have put it better, Marcelo.

Honestly, who throws a shoe?

Some good animated GIFs depicting this week's major news story not related to the coming economic collapse of Western Society.

via boing boing

Aren't animated GIFs the best? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Soccer, Brazil, America, The World

So I've been reading a book recently called How Soccer Explains the World, by Franklin Foer. Although slightly lacking in interviews with 9-year-old Jewish boys from Westchester, this book is really amazing.



Anyway, I wanted to share a quote from the book that struck me.

"Brazil is the bizarro version of the United States. Its the fantastically vast, resource-rich, new-world culture that didn't become a global hedgemon." -p.122

As a student of both Brazilian and American history and culture, this is a truly great sentence. The parallels in racial politics, land policy, and native peoples are deep. These are just a few of the ways in which Brazil and America are bizarro hemispheric twins. If you don't know enough about Brazil to appreciate these similarities, educate thyself. Perhaps watching this clip would be a good place to start:



By the way, these are the kinds of thoughts that constantly rack my brain and cause me to freak out. Get into it.

Pirates!

First of all, I want to wish you all a good shabbos.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, today I want to talk about pirates.

No, not the most expensive adult film ever made; real pirates who roll up on oil tankers with AK-47s and grenades and dominate the Indian Ocean.

So much of the world's shipping traffic travels by the Horn of Africa and the Strait of Malacca that the scores of desperately poor people who watch all that wealth float by want a piece. So, they get some Zodiacs and surplus Soviet arms and strike fear into the hearts of some unwitting oil or transport ship captain. Its getting to the point where the pirates can do basically whatever they want, and local law enforcement agencies don't have the resources to do shit.

This kind of trend is so interesting to me because of how it is a by-product of Western Culture. All I want is my oil and I don't care how it gets to my gas tank. Meanwhile, some 22 year old in Indonesia is thinking that the only way he can live his life is to throw a rope ladder over the side of a huge ship and rob it.

Let me know your thoughts on Modern Piracy in the comments. Are the readers of His Champion sympathetic or antagonistic to the modern pirate?


For further reading, check out this article from Slate, the online newspaper.

The Prison Industrial Complex

Mumia Abu-Jamal, from death row:



U.S. incarceration rates by race, June 30, 2006:

• Whites: 409 per 100,000
• Latinos: 1,038 per 100,000
• Blacks: 2,468 per 100,000

Gender is an important "filter" on the who goes to prison or jail, June 30, 2006:

• Females: 134 per 100,000
• Males: 1,384 per 100,000

In the United States, 11,695 out of every 100,000 black males are in prison, that's 11.7%, or about 1 out of every 9.

The His Champion

I did a Google image search of Adam's name, and this is the picture I got.

He writes science fiction.
He has an extensive knowledge of colonial era Rhode Island.
He's got a filthy fucking mouth.
He can spit it.

He is The His Champion.

First Halo-related post

Not the last.

Movie to Live By: Saving Private Ryan

If you want to see a movie that will change your life, watch Saving Private Ryan. The heroic search of one unit for a missing soldier amidst the chaos of the American invasion of Normandy in June 1944 forms the central plot of the movie, but really this movie is about so much more.

Manliess
Nazi hating
Real shit
guttin it out in the trenches.

Since I don't want to spoil the movie for all you n00bs that haven't seen it, I'm only putting the trailer in this post.



Doesn't that make you want to watch this movie?

At the very least, it makes me want to build a time machine, go back to 1942, enlist, and kick some Nazi ass.

Saving Private Ryan...a movie to live by

Drinking in Public

I just got home from work at the NGO and am about to leave once again to meet a few friends in the "praça" (Portuguese for 'plaza,' which is Spanish, but as I don't speak Spanish you'll have to look it up). A praça is for drinking beer and bullshitting, which brings me to the point of this post: drinking in public.

I'm visiting THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in about a week from now to pass the holidays with family and friends. Today as my anticipation boiled, I came to the realization that I will not be able to drink in public, as we have no praças, I don't live in New Orleans, and it won't be the 4th of July.






Can we do something about this?





What I mean to say is, can we ball this hard?

What you think I sold ‘em all?

Please be informed that being my first blog post ever, I'm going to write like I think a real "blogger" would blog. Let me know if I sound like a douche bag.

Here it is:

Compton. I’ve never been there. I’ve never even been to the west coast. My extremely limited knowledge of the neighborhood comes from hip hop lyrics and that horrible History Channel miniseries “Gangland,” (the History Channel has seriously gone to shit).

Today I read that the residents of Compton are handing over their guns in record numbers. It isn’t because the Bloods and Crips have finally put the past behind them, because a black man was elected president, or even because Dre told them to. The infamous Compton is turning over its arsenal out of desperation, in exchange for food vouchers.

Over the last decade or so we have hit some pretty low points as a nation. We lapped up reality television at an unprecedented pace, danced the Macarena, and beat people out of the way to buy Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls. Even with all that humiliation, we have managed to reach a new bottom. We are now at the new pathetic state of the nation in which it no longer feels good to be a gangster.

We’ve heard of toys for guns exchanges and Talib claiming he’s got guns for toys, but food vouchers? We can probably blame the "success" of this weapons for food exchange on the economic crisis. I have to admit though, deep down I was hoping the OGs would rob banks or take hostages to get by, rather than handing over their automatic weapons and hand grenades for a few weeks worth of groceries.

That's right, people turned in hand grenades.

Stadium Status

So Sam and I have decided to start a blog. If we generate enough of a viral internet buzz, maybe Barack Obama will read this one day and recognize the true ballin power of His Champion.

We plan to write about the things we know best; namely, Latin American politics, American history, rap, medieval Chinese philosophy, zoology and other intellectual topics. If you want to be as cool as Sam and I, follow this blog and take our every recommendation. It will change your life, for the better.

In this, our first blog post, I feel it is only fitting to re-visit a seminal moment in the history of my friendship with Sam.

The date was February 28, 2007.

The show was "Nocturnal Transmissions" on Brown Student Radio.

The track list; well, I think it speaks for itself.

Why not take a listen and see what you think. Some have called it the greatest hour of radio ever created. Ever.

And with that, we would like to welcome you to HIS CHAMPION.